opinions – Page 27 – Abhinav Bhatt

Batua

जेब छोटी थी, बटुआ बड़ा। बड़ा भाई रखता था तोह मेरी भी इच्छा होती थी। एक दिन मैं अपने दादा जी के पास गया। बोला कि मेरे बटुए मैं पैसे नहीं हैं, भाई के तोह पास बहुत सारे हैं। उन्होंने हंस के 10 का नोट दे दिया। मैंने वोह 10 का नोट, संभाल के पर्स की सबसे अन्दर वाली जेब में रख दिया।

वक़्त बीता, मैं कमाने लग गया । बटुआ अभी भी वही था।

आज सोचा कि नया बटुआ लूं। पुराने को यहीं कहीं किसी कोने में डालने ही वाला था की ध्यान आया कि उसके अन्दर एक 10 का नोट पड़ा हुआ है। आज दादाजी नहीं हैं। नोट को देखने की हिम्मत नहीं हुई और अब बटुआ पड़ा हुआ है अलमारी की अन्दर। सुरक्षित।

P.S.: Inspired by https://twitter.com/angrykopite/status/301390756751482881

Zubaan badi honi chahiye, lambi nahi

सिटी बसों में दफ्तर जाने से काफी कुछ सीखने को मिलता है । आगे पीछे, आमने सामने, भांति भांति के लोगो से पाला पड़ता है । बैंक में आपके कितना भी बैलेंस हो, दफ्तर में आपका कोई भी औदा हो । जब सीट नहीं होती, तोह आपको खड़े रहना पड़ता है । भले ही नयी वाली ‘दम मारो दम’ का टाइटल सोंग जो की दीपिका पे फिल्माया गया था कितना भी ओछा हो, लेकिन सच्चाई बता जाता है। आपके साथ वालों से जो, हेह, गंध आती है, उस से आपके सस्ते महंगे दो परफ्यूम का प्रभाव शून्य होजाता है । वोह गंध आप पर तब तक चढ़ी रहती है जब तक आप ऑफिस के एयर कंडीशनर वाले गलियारों में नहीं पहुँचते । ऑफिस में भले ही आप अपनी पोषता का बखान करते फिरते हो, लेकिन सड़क पे आपकी औकात उतनी ही है जितनी की एक बिजली की खम्बे की। आपको बस इतना प्रयत्न करना है की आपको कोई जानवर गीला न करदे ।

ऐसे ही कल की ही बात है, में अपने सवा 9 घंटे की आवश्यक, हेह, शिफ्ट ख़त्म करके ऑफिस से निकला और निकलते ही सामने से आती बस में चढ़ गया । शाम के वक़्त बस थोड़ी ओवरलोडेड होती है, सबको घर जाने की जल्दी जो रहती है। मेरेको सीट नहीं मिली तोह मैं दरवाज़े के पास ही खड़ा होगया क्यूंकि मेरेको किसी काम से अगले ही स्टॉप पे उतना था । जब से थोडा कमान शुरू किया है, और चूंकि, घर थोड़ी से ज्यादा दूरी पे है, मैं ज्यादातर वॉल्वो बस में ही चढ़ता हूँ । लेकिन जैसा की मुझे आगे थोडा काम था, मैं सामान्य में ही चढ़ गया। जब एक बार आप सीट पे बैठ जाते हो, तोह ज़्यादातर आपका ध्यान खिड़की से बाहर होता है। लेकिन अगर आपको अपना सफ़र खड़े रह कर काटना है तोह आप हर आगे पीछे खड़े बैठे वालो पे ध्यान दे सकते हो। टाइमपास के लिए और क्या पता की कोई ऐसा चेहरा दिख जाए जो आँखों को थोडा अच्छा लगे। गौरतलब है की किसी को देखना और निहारना अलग बात है, और किसी को गौरना अलग। इसी बात की तोह आजकल बड़ी डिबेट चल रही है। आप एक क्षण किसी को देख ज़रूर सकते हैं और जब जेम्स ब्लंट का ‘योर ब्यूटीफुल’ सुनते वक़्त उस पल को याद कर सकते हैं। और आप किसी को लगातार इतना घूर सकते हैं की सामने वालो को ग्लानि सी महसूस होने है की ऐसा क्या है उसके चेहरे पे (या थोडा नीचे) कि सामने वाला अपनी नज़र ही नहीं हटा रहा। ऐसा नहीं है की देखने वाला हमेशा ही गलत विचार से देख रहा हो, लेकिन ज्यादातर तोह सबके भीतर विचार गलत ही आते हैं। तोह हुआ यह, कि मैं खड़ा हो कर, बैठे हुए लोगों को हल्का फुल्का परख रहा था। सामने देखता हूँ, की एक बन्दा अपने मोबाइल फ़ोन से झुक कर कुछ कर रहा है। जल्द ही समझ आया कि वोह कैमरे से कुछ करना चाह रहा है। शायद खुदकी बस में बैठे हुए एक तस्वीर। सेल्फ-शॉट प्रोफाइल पिक्चर। उसका मोबाइल तोह ठीक सा लग रहा था, लेकिन शकल ऐसी नहीं लगी की ट्विटर वाला बाँदा हो। हाँ फेसबुक टाइप ज़रूर लगा . और इतना स्पेसिफिक stereotyping कर ही रहे हैं तोह उसको ओरकुटिया कहना बेहतर होगा। फिर मेरी नज़र उस से 3 फीट दूर बैठी एक लड़की पर गयी। वोह लड़का शायद उस लड़की की ही पिक्चर लेने की कोशिश कर रहा था। साफ़ बात थी की वोह लड़की उसके साथ नहीं थी। चूंकि में बैंगलोर में हूँ जहाँ सभी लोग हिंदी भाषी नहीं हैं, हाँ, लेकिन थोड़ी इंग्लिश सब जानते हैं। थोडा जिझक के में हिंदी में ही चिल्लाया,

“अबे ओये, क्या कर रहा है बे! लड़की की फोटो उस से बिना पूछे कैसे लेता है? इतना दिखाया है TV पे की अपना हम आदमियों को ही अपना attitude बदलना होगा वरना इस देश में औरतों के साथ बुरा ही होगा! समझ नहीं आया तुझे? चल माफ़ी मांग उस लड़की से और सारी फोटो डिलीट मार!”

फिर ध्यान आया की मेरी आवाज़ नहीं निकली है। मैं यह अपने दिमाग के अन्दर ही चिल्लाया। फिर दिमाग हिस्से के एक हिस्से से आवाज़ आई, की हो सकता है उस लड़की को कोई दिक्कत न हो। और शाम से वक़्त वैसे भी बस में अँधेरा ही होता है तोह वैसे भी ढंग की पिक्चर नहीं आएगी। और मुझे क्या कोई किसी की पिक्चर पूछ के ले या बिना पूछे। हाँ अगर वोह लड़की से बद्तामीजी करके तोह मेरा फ़र्ज़ है की मैं उसको रोकूँ। और उम्मीद रहती है की ऐसी नौबत ना ही आये। यह तोह TV वालों ने थोड़े दिन उम्मीद जगाई थी की सब सुपर हीरो बन सकते हैं। कहना आसान है, करना मुश्किल। 2 ही मिनट में वोह लड़की बस से उतर गयी। उसको पता भी नहीं चला होगा की शायद एक ओरकुटिया बन्दा उसकी वजह से शायद सेल्फ-juicing करेगा। सेफ का सेफ और किसी को कोई चोट नहीं पहुंची। कुछेक के सम्मान को शायद पहुंची होगी लेकिन सड़क पे क्या सम्मान। वैसे भी नार्थ में बस में लिखा होता था की ‘अपने सम्मान की रक्षा स्वयं करें ‘। इधर भी लिखा होता है लेकिन कन्नड़ में, तोह समझ के बाहर है। फिर अगला स्टॉप मेरा था, मैं भी उतर गया और यह बात भूल गया। रात को शान्ति में थोडा फ्लैशबैक हुआ तोह लिख दिया।

अपनी बात ज़ोर से बोलने की कोई तो तरकीब होती होगी, जो की मेरेको सीखनी बाकी है । जो बात में 2 लाइन लिख के भी कह सकता था, उसके लिए इतना सब लिखा ताकि मेरी गलती कहीं छुप सके। येही तोह सीखा है अब तक।

Find someone your own size

Man is an animal. Social or not, is still being researched in labs. But animal nonetheless. What do animals do when they don’t agree on stuff? They fight. But somehow this got twisted. Earlier when men disagreed, they used to sort it out by debating, arguing and even then if the matter still did not solve, they resorted to physical way of sorting their stuffs. But that was then. Now, there are people who earn money by arguing for the people involved in a disagreement and then they seek the final ruling from a person who keeps publishing judgements by referring to a book some learned people wrote a while back. But how long an animal can remain tamed? There is a limit no! You just loosen your pet’s rope, your pet won’t take much time to go 9211. Same way, it has been a long time, man has been kept tamed by the books. When I say man, I mean man.

So majority of men are not in agreement with their fates. Each and everyday, man gets frustrated. This frustration is sometimes because of the book which his uncles wrote, which was supposed to bring equality and justice to him but it failed. It failed because of other men who had better brains and pro-active traits used the book to their benefits. Darwin’s survival of the fittest is one of the best known facts on this planet. No matter what the era is, only the fit will survive. Nowadays fitness is measured by the amount of that specially minted paper you have in your pocket. So those who don’t have such stuff, shouldn’t feel frustrated for this is just science. But then, men also have this emotional harmones in their brains. So they get frustrated. They cannot help but get bogged down because of the things which happen around them. They get frustrated because of no monies in their pocket, no hope of any decently earning job, no hope from the government, no appreciation from their boss, no sense of driving on the road, no replies from that girl, no hope in anything.

A man keeps accumulating this frustration till the brim and finally one day it spills out. Mostly on the physically weaker counterpart of the man. On those who won’t retaliate. Beating up wives is the easiest thing to do a man can think of. Scolding his kid for everything and anything and eventually going physical is the way to go. Beat, thrash and scold the people you know. Best way to take your frustrations out. Because when they suffer, you suffer (remember Stan?) and it becomes an addiction. Wash, rinse, repeat. Replace water with the people you think cannot fight back. Or if you are on the road, take your anger out on the fellow driver. Abuse, go physical, do whatever you can to transfer your anger to the other guy.

Then there is one more way. Go out and eve tease any female you see. It is the easiest thing to do in this country. Not only, you will be able to curb your desires but also, your frustrations will feel soothing. Moreover, now a days this is in Fashion as well. So have your chance, do the due.

But, wait, wait.. before you do any harm to anyone else, I have an idea. Actually the idea is Tyler Durden’s. But I also have the same idea. Why don’t you find people who are frustrated like you are? Find them, ask them to come to a safe place at the night after work (or if you are unemployed, anytime is good). Start. Beat the hell out of each other. Bring out your masculinity there. Bring out the real you, the untamed wild animal who was never tamed but just dormant-ed because of some hypocrisy. The blood you will see on other’s face will help to calm down your frustrations. Start a Fight Club I say. This will not only do a hell lot of good to you, except some bruises or worst case you dead but at least you will not hurt the weaker people who cannot retaliate against you. Just pick up someone your own size, to be precise. Just in case you feel guilty after hurting the minnows.

The only other thing which can tame a man, is education. Not schooling, but education. So either we need to educate people or let them start a fight club. No other solution to this system.

P.S.: If this doesn’t make sense to you, its okay. If there are grammatical mistakes in this, still okay. Nobody bothers. I had to take my frustration out, so I puked it over here.

I'm not a movie buff

Yes, I am not a movie buff. I don’t watch movies much nor do I remember them for long. I think I stopped taking movies seriously after 1994. I last danced (without being pulled over in a baraat or DJ in college) on Pak-Chik-Pak-Raja-Babu (The song lifted from Chikku-Bukku-Raile and made ‘awesome’ by Govinda by wearing Michael Jackson’s Bad attire) on my own by doing all those moves and rolling over the floor dancing / ROFD. I could also do that stuff kids used to do back then which was imitating a fan by rotating one of your legs squatting on another leg while dancing. I have seen Allu Arjun do the same recently. He only got to know about it now? Poor chap.

When I was growing up I was told that watching movies is not a good thing at all. Instead, it was taught that one should concentrate on studies. I used to play a lot and watched Cricket at odd times. But no movies. Probably because my experience of watching movies was weird. Once I had to gone to watch the movie Dil along with my uncle when I was just 3.5 ft tall in a nearby movie theater called as ‘Lakshmi Mandir’ in Jaipur. Now they show only 18+ movies there sadly. Or rather good for some. While I was entering the hall, because of it being crowded, I got lost in the darkness. When my uncle finally found me after 10 minutes, my cheeks were all wet because of tears. I mean how can a 3.5 ft tall guy tolerate being lost in darkness while Saeed Jaffrey unleash wrath on Aamir Khan and Madhuri. Then once I went to see Bol Radha Bol with my parents (I think that was the last movie I saw with my father and mother together in a theater). Sadly, we couldn’t see the climax because my younger brother kept on weeping throughout the movie and father decided to go home because he didn’t want others to get disturbed. I felt so bad that I told them that ‘leave me and go, I will come back on my own’. He instantly declined the plea because it was a night show and I was just 3.7 ft tall. Later, I got the video cassette of the movie and watched it on VCR at home itself. I loved the movie by the way. During the period from ’94 till ’98, I just watched very less Hindi movies and usually Animated movies or Jurassic Park sequels only in theaters. Including Godzilla.

Studies weren’t helping either. Probably I was in 7th and read this beauty of a story in Hindi called as ‘Punchlight (पंच लाइट)’ by Phanishwar Nath ‘Renu’. It was a story about a village where the Punch (village headmen) weren’t able to use a Petromax lamp and then a guy called Godhan (who was considered a useless and छलिया types guy because he used to watch many movies and sing indecent songs from them) helped them because he knew stuffs. Although the story was pro-movie watching as it said that watching movies makes you aware of stuffs but till then I had decided that movie watching is a waste of time.

Now after coming to Bangalore, the only pastime left here is watching movies because there is nothing else to do in this city frankly. In past 2 years, I watched more movies than I had watched all my life. Moreover MMP happened. I got in touch with so many people who are movies aficionados that I feel awkward to comment on anything. I have been often called as a movie buff whenever MMPIndia was featured in newspapers which made me feel bit weird. If one makes some graphics out of movies, that doesn’t mean that he is into movies or anything as such. But. But I don’t hate movies. I just hate useless movies. I admire some cinematic brilliance and want to know more and more about those people and watch all the movies they have made. People can discuss lengths about certain characters portrayal on Twitter and write thousands of words on what they interpreted about certain movies on their blogs. I don’t. I don’t review movies because art is subjective and carrying out discussions over fiction is not my cup of tea till now. The movies which were offered to us in 90s and 2000s kept me at bay as well. When I watch a 70s movie, they look so much better (and so slow but still good) because their content was worth watching. Seriously, if you keep feeding a person with bad quality food, one day he get used to it. And when suddenly you serve him great quality food, he won’t like it at all. The taste of the movies of my friends has moulded in such a way that they can watch Salman Khan movies and like them. I cannot. For me to become a movie buff, I need to see better movies. Better directors who are plenty in number nowadays can do that. There are some great people on Twitter who know a lot about movies and I am keen on learning from that. Being an Indian, one cannot be separated from Movies and Cricket. Hence, I should not get away anyways.

Having said that, if you find out the number of movies an Indian watches on an average, I would still have seen lesser number of movies than that number. And I would like to keep that this way. As they say that if you start watching more and more movies, you begin to explore for more and more about them. I am currently in that phase.

P.S.: I watched Matru Ki Bijlee Ka Mandola today and liked it instantly. Great quirky and intelligent humor. I recommend it and refrain from giving any rating.

Water Cannons vs the drizzle

Read a tweet in the morning that they’re holding a peace protest at Freedom Park, Bangalore at 4 PM and it will continue till night. I decided to go for it. After lunchtime, I thought of getting ready for it. It started to rain. I thought that it is going to be difficult to travel in rain. The good distance of my place from Freedom Park wasn’t helping either. I thought, let it be, what am I going to change by going there anyways so better chuck it. I planned to sit, watch TV, write some angry tweets and move on.

Then realized that I have decided not to go because of Rain. Rain? Rain? Suddenly, mind started throwing pics in front of the eyes. The pictures of Water Cannon being unleashed on young kids up there in Delhi in such cold unbearable weather. Felt ashamed of myself. Then made one poster (last post) to depict shame. Coincidentally, a friend (female) SMSed me to come for the Candle Light Vigil at Freedom Park. The quota of shame for myself was done for the day. I stood up and got ready. It continued to rain, but we went there. Many people were there, speaking all sorts of Indian languages but the message they wanted to send across was clear and heartwarming. We people can still be united, however pessimist you may think. It was so windy and drizzling continuously that the candles were hard to handle. Hot wax was, for the first time in life, falling on the hands giving an uneasy irritation. Plus rain. Plus Bangalore traffic mixed with Rain on the way back. Some wax has fallen on to the Shirt and rest on shoes. Will clean it tomorrow.

Here are some pics from there.

P.S.: 3rd time feeling proud of myself. (After donating blood, attending Anna Hazare Movement and now this) I know nothing is going to change just like that but better to try than to crib. Thank you Kalpana for motivating.

Chullu Bhar Paani

Ashamed. Sad. Angry.

Save the 80s People

Man! We’re seriously in trouble. We as in people born in the 80s (and 1-2 not-so-smart ones born in the very early 90s). The things which are happening nowadays are totally going out of the hands. Just look around! Everywhere you will see a total devastation, purposefully or naturally directed towards the people born in the 80s. Here are some examples:

Old people dying. Not that old people didn’t die earlier but the rate is alarming. This is seriously sad and happening too often lately. All the icons which we idolized all our 20-ish-year-old life are dying. The whole era is ending as if everyone is rushing for some sort of party up there. Is somebody attracting them to come there? Some set of new Menakas in heaven or what?
Weddings. Heh. Everyone is irritated because of this social issue and I’m no different. I mean I am an earning, 25+, unmarried (read available for hush hush general friendship purposes), better looking than many South Indian Lead Actors and a fairly famous man. And being a person with such elusive credentials is criminal. Despite being not-so-famous, so are most of you. I totally know how you feel when every time an old friend pings you and asks ‘When are you getting married dude?’. Nonsense. You go home on holidays, hoping to eat homely food and before you put one helping into your mouth, all your family jumps on you asking you to get married. To top that, Facebook is not helping either. ‘Me and my hubby on honeymoon’ albums have ruined the lives already. I am not going to elaborate on this dire straits situation because I am not that evil.
Sachin Tendulkar retiring from ODIs. Now, this is a killer. Whole life is finished with this 1 sentence. What is there left to see on TV now? Who’s name will be chanting now? That straight drive, who is going to hit that Straight Drive down the wicket? Although, lately he used Adidas’s sticker on his bat, but whole life, we craved to get that red MRF sticker on our bats. Although I am a technically sound text-book type cricketer like Sir Rahul Sharad Dravid but even Dravid would have wanted to be Sachin-like. I have been crying to him to retire earlier for obvious reasons that I don’t want any mortal person to raise any finger against him for not performing but when he won’t be there, who will hit that non-stoppable 4 towards extra cover uppishly. Who is going to come out of the crease and hit that 6 down long-on which made Tony Grieg lose his vocal chords in 1998 at Sharjah? You must have read Sidvee’s post so I will leave experts to comment on his career. For me, it is like removing the heart out of my Cricketing body.
Government going berserk on young people. Those who were born before India got independence had a cause to fight for. They had the blood that boiled and they finally achieved what they wanted. Those who were born in the 50s knew that country is building so they cooled down a bit. Those who were born in the early 60s didn’t know what was going on, whether to be angry about the government’s stupid policies or to jump into the sea of corruption and make the ‘system’ what it is now. The 70s born finally noticed that the country is not going in the right direction so they did try to do country-building stuff by improving India’s standard on the world map. But till then 50s and 60s people had ruined it so much that they couldn’t change much. Complacency you can say. But then the people of 80s, who have seen Black and White TV and Internet, Cricket in White gears with red cherry to T20s and IPL, Atari Video Games and iPhones, Goldspot to Redbull, have had enough. They have seen the contrasts and the changing world. There are opportunities but they are shadowed by overgrowing corruption, reservation and sadly, molestation. The ‘System’ has been damaged beyond repairable. So people of the 80s stood up against the government to protest. 2006’s medical student’s protests, Anna Movement and on-going protests against Bloody Rapists are good examples. But what do they get? Lathis? These lathicharges and water cannons will only help the 80s people to think and cast their votes appropriately come 2014. We will finally be kaamyaab ek din. Phew.

There are helplines for Children, why cannot be there any for people of 80s? The whole India wants answers from them, who can they approach at this moment?

P.S.: Sorry I should have started the post by saying ‘Woman!’. We must respect Womenfolk as well and this mindset cannot change until we start it now!