Pakistan Open

Islamabad: As a spontaneous reaction to the 31st May’s Bharat-Bandh in the friendly neighborhood country India because of the Petrol Price hike, Pakistan has decided to call a Nation-wide Open on 1st June in their country. They have decided to keep open all the roads, cinema theaters, schools & colleges, restaurants, shops, hospitals, Courts and their Senate and National Assembly which usually are closed owing to the threats from local nuisance creating groups. Also, the government institutions are generally shut down because of the callous and laid back attitude of the people working in these places as they don’t know who is in charge, the government or the army, rightly so, they shouldn’t be blamed. All the mentioned places and institutions will resume their services at wee hours of the morning and continue to remain open till the late hours of 1st June 2012. The local police authorities (heh) have cascaded this information among all the facets of the society, both terrorists and non-so-harmful-civilian population of the state.

A majority of the civilian population has welcomed this gesture by the government because they are happy that for the first time Government has decided to open and work. Prof. Qureshi, a well-known name in Pakistan’s Political Studies forum, and a regular in Times Now show with Arnab Goswami, from Lahore had this to say, “These Indians are always up to something notorious. Creating all possible measures to make Pakistan look like a minion. Which we are not. Yes. So this move by the government to open up against Bandh in India is a great way to show to the US that we want development here! They might give us some economic aid as a result. Nowadays, khafa khafa se sarkaar nazar aate hain. Hilary came to Asia but didn’t announce anything good for us. Tcha!”. Hina Rabbani Khar has decided to do a road show in Karachi to attract camera persons from media from all over the world and especially from India to let know that Pakistan can do whatever Indian can in a better manner and with a pinch of glamour too. But certain eminent personalities in the society are afraid that Indian Government might use up this working opportunity to create some mischievousness again. Mrs. Fatima Rehman, a women’s rights social activist said that “This useless Government always wants to compete with India. What is the need? They make missiles, we will make 2 missiles. They make Agni, we will make HATF, Arrey WTF, what was the need of this Open-Day? We are trying to be peaceful since some days now and now when everything will open, people will come out on the roads, some body mua from RAW will again disrupt the peaceful country of ours. We are happy this way!”.

Ex-Pakistani Cricketer, now a British citizen was also wary of this Open day concept. He has rather suggested to counter India by creating a Cricket league of their (Pakistan he said to clarify) own and try to attract the sponsors. He said that whatever he is saying, it is because of the fact that he considers himself a brand ambassador of Pakistan in the UK. He said that he is getting lot of moolah by playing in IPL as an export from England but he feels that  Pakistan can compete with India by creating a League where no Indian Cricketer is allowed to play. Though he suggests that Pakistan should not be showing too much arrogance and should allow Ravi Shastri as a Commentator and Mohinder Amarnath as a bowling coach because IPL also allowed Rameez Raja and Wasim Bhai there. Imran Khan has appreciated the ex-Pakistani and now a British citizen (like most of the Pakistani cricketers).

The terrorists clan of Pakistan has welcomed this decision and have issued a fatwa to not to kill anyone just like that, only if needed. They want to show that Pakistan can do a better job in Kashmir so they have planned to show off their strength by spilling petrol on the roads of POK, which they call Azad Kashmir, because petrol is just around Rs. 60 there in Pakistan.

(Disclaimer: It’s only a rumour that Pakistan is trying to stage a Pakistan Khulla. Their actual motive is to make India buy fuels from them and topple the Indian economy face first)

Dear Dr. Anjali, Why Sachin Should Not retire now!

Hello Anjali Tendulkar Ji,

I hope you are doing good, ahem, unlike your husband, err, no offence, as compared to his usual standards I mean. And what do I call you? Anjali Didi, Anjali Bhabhi or Anjali Aunty or let me call you Dr. Anjali, simply.

See Dr. Anjali, you all know him better than all of us, why does he adjust his abdominal guard every time before facing a delivery? Heh. Sorry. I mean you know what he goes through every time he comes to bat. More than a million people have already written that he carries the burden of billions of Indians who want him to perform every time he is out there in the middle. That pressure which he handles is enormous and no way anyone can even imagine. Still what he has achieved for the Country and himself is mind blowing. So no point writing about it again. This letter mainly focuses on the growing voices telling him to retire and all.

This ongoing CB Series is not going well for the Indian team as a whole. Sachin being a part of the team cannot be spared. When he was performing well say all his life and lately in the Cricket World Cup, everybody was quiet. And now when he is struggling, people are making jokes about him. Ex-cricketers who have nothing else to do other than giving expert comments are asking him to retire and hang his boots. Hanging boots might be difficult for him owing to his height but I also think that he should get retired. See the Aussies, they have all retired on a high note. Since I started watching Cricket, I saw Mark Taylor saying bye bye at the time he was brilliantly in form. Waugh Bros, Michael Bevan, Glenn McGrath, Mathhew Hayden and even Shane Warne bid adieu at the correct time. The best example remains Adam Gilchrist. These people will remain great. But, this Ricky Ponting, who is second only to the one who happens to be your husband tried to stick around. But Cricket Australia, the second strictest organization after the Nazis, dropped him and hence he had to say goodbye to ODIs disgracefully.

On the other hand, Indian Cricket has been sluggish when it comes to have an exit policy for the players. As far as I can remember, only Anil Kumble hung his boots at the correct time. All others have hung around. One of the best Captains we had ever, Saurav Ganguly, who played the most key role in shaping the team around the last decade so as to enable it to win the world cup under Dhoni, had the most shameful exit ever. Even the IPL franchisee didn’t want to bet on him. So, every voice from every nook and corner of the world wants your husband to retire NOW. Even I want the same.

But, see Dr. Anjali, if he retires now, history will be written. It will say, even though Sachin was, is and will be the greatest ever Batsman we could have, but during the end of his career, he was made to step down and not that he himself quit. It will be a small but visible blotch in his illustrative career. See, making 100 hundreds or one lesser won’t diminish his image. I cannot suggest anything to him as I am a nobody, but you can ask him to continue and keep all the allegations/advises/comments aside. I want you to tell him to go on and hit not just 1 but 10 more centuries and shut the critics up. I want you to make him believe, which he already knows, just that if you tell him, he will agree more, that if he quits when he is needed the best, I feel, his greatness, which needs no evidence to be proved, will increase many folds. Obviously we will miss the lofty cut over the 3rd man for six, the straight drive no mortal can play, the cover drive which goes faster than the Ravi’s tracer bullet cutting it in to pieces, the six over the long on which makes Shane Warne nights miserable but at least we will be slightly more happy to see him end on a high.

I have already promised to name my son Sachin, if I have a son and if the wifey (if I get married) agrees, I want you to tell him to stay.

Thank you Dr. Anjali, I hope your husband shuts up the critics one more time, for the last time though.

Still a believer that SachinIsGod.