From Yeh Desh Hai Veer Jawano ka to Indian Tequila!

What is going on? – Me, Throughout January 2016

<Insert many long minutes of writer’s block here>

Well kids, if you keep running away from something for some time, always remember that, if you get caught, they take a full beating (plus bonus frustration beating) on you. I am one of those who was elegantly avoiding answering the question which is everyone’s (parents and friends and everyone around) favorite question for you once you cross a holy age of 21 with much grace and poise and a couple of hiccups. And suppose you successfully keep ducking the question till you are nearing 30, you should stay rest assured that the intensity and barrage of questions will enormously increase manifolds and the only option for you is to consider the fate and surrender. There is no point further delaying it unless you want to pursue politics or puns.

Phew, it is finally done and over with. The ceremony. And stuff. They were quite swift as in Ceremonies started officially around 3.30 PM in the afternoon and ended officially around 9 AM the next day. Pretty fast, no? NO. In between, I had to change clothes 4 times including wearing Dhotis which are lovely and airy. Highly recommended though not in winters. I also got to ride a Ghodi (mare; female horse) which decided to pee, while I was sitting on it when we were about to reach the destination. It didn’t do any harm but ladies around it had to save their lehngas and sarees from the projectile of drops bouncing off the road and traveling towards them.We reached late by 20-25 minutes because people like to dance and dance and dance a little more. Apparently! And then for some strange maths equations reasons, I had to sit in an awkward position inside a wooden tokri (basket) for 2 hours or so. There is no point further delving into those super fun hours (!) so just understand that it took about 17 or so hours for me to change my status.

And then those joyful hours of smiling with people on stage, ah what fun when your teeth have to be at the full display like a toothpaste advertisement. Further, into the night, I also had to take 20-22 rounds around the fire because normal people are content in 7 and we are not those minions. We make sure we cover rituals of the whole of India from Tamil to Punjab, including Rajasthan, Gujarat, UP, MP, Maharashtra, Bengal, and Andhra. Why? Probably because we must make the rituals as long and be tiring as possible so as to warn the couple that it is stupid to break the vow. Otherwise, they must go through these rituals again. And nobody would like that.

The fun part: The event wasn’t foolproof. Apparently, whatever gifts were coming towards my way, they got stolen by kids not more than 12 years of age right in front of everyone’s back and wide open eyes of CCTV Cameras. No sign of either the money or the kids till now. Memorable, right?

Anyways, everyone enjoyed the event and the food. Nobody got hurt and nobody’s foofa/mausa/tau made any fuss.

P.S.: I am yet to change my Display Pic and Relationship Status on Facebook so everything written above, is effectively farce, if you ask me.

Featured Photo by Ken Treloar on Unsplash