opinions – Page 30 – Abhinav Bhatt

The World is Round (if you see it from my i)

I don’t know if it is just me but I find that people who wear Circular Lenses/ Round Frames/ Windsor Spectacles, turn out to be revolutionaries. Time and again, someone came up with this kind of glasses and people went crazy for them. And this has happened across cultures. I need not mention the achievements the following people did as everyone will be able to identify them instantly.

Not exactly him but the stories is what our generation grew up with

And then…

When I was growing up in the Nostalgic 90s, the world was changing faster than it did in the last few decades. Everything was becoming Digital from Analog. Though many of my friends had already seen and touched it, only in 1996 I got my hands on the thing called a Personal Computer in school Computer Lab. We were asked to keep our shoes outside the lab for some reason. That made the whole experience more mysterious. From the outside of the lab, one could hear the sound of Dot Matrix Printer. Heavenly scratching sound which only the Radio could match when stations were tuned. We entered the lab. It was dim. Obviously, I had seen them on TV and probably at other kids’ homes but this was the first time I got the chance to lay my fingers on them. It was White. It had deep black and white screen where one could see actual rastering on the CRT screen if the eyelids were kept slightly closed. And then we did the best thing in the world one could do. Make a circle on the screen by giving instructions to it, in LOGO.

REPEAT 360 [FD 1 RT 1]

And I loved it. I decided at once that I need this at home. NOW. But due to some reasons, I couldn’t get it. Later in 1997, my friend bought one. I went to his home one day and they were watching ‘Titanic‘ on it. Probably, they were at that scene so as soon as I entered their room, they switched it off abruptly. I was jealous. Then later in 1998, I saw this on TV.

I became more jealous. I asked my parents when can I have this thing. They said that they’ve heard that Computer distracts good students from studying (which holds true) so they’ll buy one for me when I actually need it. So around that time and 1999, people had started buying Personal Computers at home. I got to know that one another version of Personal Computer was there and it was called ‘iMac’. Totally droolable stuff even then. Sigh. I got my computer in 2004 FYI.

Steve Jobs was one figure who actually revolutionized this personal technology thingy. I won’t go further as everyone knows it already. I don’t own any Apple product even now. Though I want to have them all. The only Apple product I use is their software iTunes. And yet I admire Steve Jobs and his work continues to amaze me. His greatest ‘tech intervention’ is the tablet. I am sure it will ultimately replace our notebooks and textbooks. It is just a matter of time. That’s what his vision must have been, isn’t it? What fascinated me when I was growing up was made by him and his team and people like him. Though, I hope someone else will rise up like him and keep us involved in the hype when a new gadget gets revealed.

R.I.P Steve Jobs. The world has become Jobless now and we will take some time to cope up with the loss.

And one more thing…

What are you looking at Mister?

Waking up is the most difficult part in their lives, there is no doubt about it. More than 24 hours in a day, they have always tried to fit. Eyes groggily tell the story of every night. Waking up till late to complete the daily tasks, important and unimportant, but no one understands their plight. Getting ready to kill is their motto every day. But hey, don’t forget to put that thing around neck always, as they say. Like all dressed up neat and clean, they move out of their homes. Have to walk up till the bus stop, with earphones, plugged in till the ear drums and they sing, and yawn.

Reaching the stop is never such a pain but finding a place which is relaxed and safe is surely a game. They see faces there, dull, depressing, sorry, drunk, pale and only few of them chirpy still they all look lame. They try to make sure that they are away from such eyes, who stare from head to toe, with weird and cold vibes. The scanning eyes are always there and the scan reaches a logical rest. All they keep on staring is the place 1 foot above the waist. They glance the region the most, is the area where it hangs that is slightly below the throat. If they stare back at the stare-er, the concentration dilutes around in the air as it was lost, it may not be that dirty as I present but it sure looks low in cost.

The look at that region is aloof of the gender, but the awkwardness persists even if you have a strong heart or it is soft and tender. The inferior feeling which that is felt with is actually nothing as compared to the continuous staring they have always dealt with. I wonder how they must feel when they have to go daily through this ordeal. Isn’t it like watching someone puke while having a meal? Now they have started hanging it around the groin showing extra wit, where it moves like a pendulum, stick it back up where it belongs I must insist.

They claim that they stare because they care. But this is something different, staring it continuously, how do they dare? Even passer bys don’t forget to give it a look, what do they want to do with that? Take it, hang it in your home, watch it instead of the TV, put it around a hook. They have become used to this judging I guess but that kind of staring is a sign of them trying for a shag, but calm down, here I am just talking about my company tag.

Open Letters for Open Letters

Hello Open Letter Writers!

How are you? I am in pink of my health here and hope the same for you.

This is my first open letter. Not that I don’t know how to write letters but I was bit conservative to write an open letter. I didn’t bother to write one anyways because Letters are meant to be private as I was taught. So, please expect some deviations from the standard of Open Letter Writing. By the way is there any RFC for that? Any Guidelines? Protocol (From bottom to Up: PDNTSPA)? ISO standard? No? Tch. Okay, so here it goes.

People, why are you so frustrated? I mean are you the Indian Hockey Team? Or Rakhi Sawant’s father’s barber? Abhishek Manu Singhvi’s kids? Poonam Pandey’s true fan?

Why have you written so much text for someone who doesn’t even know you and, for sure, will never know you or read your open letter and Laugh Out Loud, unless you are Kamaal R Khan’s lookalike. Man, everyone knows that you did to get some cheap publicity. No, no, don’t look sideways or make faces. Everyone knew since beginning that you had penchant for being famous like our Mayawati had for expensive Kolapuri Chappals. See, I know that few people became famous writing open letters, but not everyone is a tall sardar with a fancy surname no?

See, if you were frustrated over something, write over it in normal blog post kind of manner, outrage over it on Twitter, and move on with life. Writing open letters again and again, shows that you didn’t have courage to directly ask the subject. If frustration level had gone over the danger mark, like it happens during monsoon in our local naalaah (Drainage and Sewage System, c’mon, today is Hindi Diwas for God’s sake!) or Yamuna in your Delhi, you could have gone for a Hunger Strike at Ram Leela. Writing only, how will it help Sir?

Writing too many open letters will make you an open letter box. How shameful is that if you know what I mean? What will you write when you will run of the things which frustrate you? Now, you will say that there are innumerable things which frustrate you so you can go on and on and on. Abey, how frustrated can you be? Jaago Graahak Jaago but there should be a limit where you should get satisfied. Are you Hari Sadu’s Appraisal Reviewer or what?

Now the question is am I frustrated of you? Of course I am. Even after writing this, I am not going to get the number of comments I deserve. Huh.

Give my regards to your parents and your pet dog.

Your’s electronically

Irom Sharmila’s Level Ignored Blogger.

Formula 1 in India

So after much thought and approvals and preparations, F1 is actually coming to India. And that deserves a wow. From being a non-existing entity in Motor sport, and then to have a F1 team ‘Force India’ and then to actually have the Indian Grand Prix is an amazing feat. Not only it will do a hell lot of good to our motor sport industry but also add another feather in our achievements in organizing world class sports event. Well played.

But usually all the sports events happen inside stadiums. F1 happens on the race track. Race track is a road. And that road exists in India. And we love our roads so much that we do everything on the road itself. We get married on roads, give birth to babies on the roads, eat on the roads, pee and shit on the roads and live and die on the roads. Heh, though no one will actually hinder the race track, even if it is in India, but I was just trying to imagine the phrase ‘F1, now on Indian Roads.’ For Indians only though, here it goes.

Hello everyone and welcome to Live for coverage of round 17 in the 2011 FIA Formula 1 world championship – the Indian Grand Prix from Buddh International Circuit, Greater Noida, National Capital Region, Uttar Pradesh. We are just about to start the first ever Indian grand prix so the hearts must be pumping. The day is sunny and the atmosphere is roaring, as you expect it is in India and it is hot as a Tandoor on a wedding reception night. As we speak, the pit lane is now open for the drivers to make their reconnaissance* laps to the grid and surprisingly they are not getting arranged themselves on the basis of their monetary status or caste. After all, F1 is neither Tirupati Darshan nor JEE. All the appropriate names, 90% of the Indians don’t even know or care about, have brought themselves to the grid.

Here’s how the grid will line up this afternoon:

Pos Driver Team

1. Sebastian Vettel Red Bull-Renault

2. Lewis Hamilton McLaren-Mercedes

3. Mark Webber Red Bull-Renault

4. Felipe Massa Ferrari

5. Nico Rosberg Mercedes

6. Jaime Alguersuari Toro Rosso-Ferrari

7. Bruno Senna Renault

8. Fernando Alonso Ferrari

9. Sergio Perez Sauber-Ferrari

10. Vitaly Petrov Renault

11. Sebastien Buemi Toro Rosso-Ferrari

12. Kamui Kobayashi Sauber-Ferrari

13. Jenson Button McLaren-Mercedes

14. Rubens Barrichello Williams-Cosworth

15. Adrian Sutil Force India-Mercedes

16. Heikki Kovalainen Lotus-Renault

17. Paul di Resta Force India-Mercedes

18. Jarno Trulli Lotus-Renault

19. Timo Glock Virgin-Cosworth

20. Jerome D’Ambrosio Virgin-Cosworth

21. Pastor Maldonado Williams-Cosworth

22. Tonio Liuzzi HRT-Cosworth

23. Daniel Ricciardo HRT-Cosworth

24. Michael Schumacher Mercedes

Before we start we would like to thank the ‘India Against Innovation’ people as they stopped their agitation outside the main entrance to the circuit and allowed others to enter, after they were convinced that Force India team cannot have a Driver of Indian origin as the drivers are chosen after much filtering on the basis of their past experience or track records and Sonia Gandhi has nothing to do with it as the drivers are not Italian, rather one Scottish and the other being German.

The crowd has settled on to their seats, though they are still standing clueless but in India, we call it settled. They are standing because F1 Pit Babes have started arriving in their traditional get ups. The temperature which was already touching 40+ has now risen to excruciatingly more. There is loud music running as well which is sounding similar to Dhoom Machale but not sure because the crowd has gone berserk over the girls.

So seems all set and here we start. The 5 red lights have gone out and green marks the race is on. Sensational start to the event as 2 of the cars have been unable to move. We hope those are not Force India, and yes, it is confirmed they are not. Rest all have vroomed away from the sight and we have a splendid race on.

Lap 1

We were just about to reach the first sharp turn but looks like the road has been blocked there. Oh, there seems to be some cows sitting right in between chewing their stuff like they don’t care whether Button is a Button or Schumacher makes shoe. Thanks to the advance breaking technology that saved the cows being hit. Otherwise it would have been a serious issue of Animal Cruelty, that too to a holy animal, and also the driver’s well being, if that matters. After much effort, the authorities have been able to push them beasts of burden off the track. And here we start again. The track now is as straight as non-queer so expect the speeds reaching up to 300. Oh but again, the cars are slowing down. A herd of sheep is crossing the road along with a shepherd. This in turn, will help the cars left behind to cope up and be even with the front runners. Right to equality wins again in India. As the herd has now crossed, we can hear the accelerating engines’ roar again. After the third major turn, there are few dogs, as we have noticed, so it would be interesting to see the driving skills because the dogs themselves will try to evade the running vehicles. Luckily, every car has passed the hazardous area and so have the dogs. The dogs are busy doing something weird on the roadside now but attaching themselves from the behind and we can hear laughter from the crowd as they are enjoying watching the race doggy style.

Oh, one of the cars, while trying to avoid one dog has moved off track towards the pitstop. Anyways, they have decided to take the pitstop early in the lap 1 itself. But they are not being allowed to enter the pitstop as probably a polieman has stopped them. Probably, they have been stopped because the cars are running without number plate, no papers and obviously there is no chance that the driver will have his license with him as there are no pockets in the racing gear. Let them handle it as we move further the lap.

We have reached an important juncture now as there are some hairpin bend turns and dangerous, err, what? Speed breakers? Oh, for the first time, we have speed breakers on the racing track. Probably, this has been done to make the drivers get used to the Indian Roads. Interstingly, there were no humps yesterday when they were trying to win grid and pole positions. As they say, it happens only in India. So again the speed has failed to reach, even double figures if you ask me honestly, and they are now slowing down. Well, the F1 cars’ suspenion is not meant for speed breakers so it will again be interesting to see which make has best shockers.

Now we are closing down to the last portion of the Lap 1. After such an eventful Lap 1, it would be quite a scene to see who completes the lap 1, first. Oh, what? It appears that the track for the last 100 m is no where to be seen. The road looks decprated with ‘PWD at Work’ signs all over and it is still under construction.

—

With bits and pieces from http://live.autosport.com/commentary.php/id/392

Indo Icons fromYudi Adachi.

Inspired from a discussion with friends last night.

* Don’t go into too much detail.

Dear Photographers To Be

This is a closed letter. Only people who like to click pictures should read this. This is strictly for those who have a Facebook album called ‘Random’. Exactly written for those kind of people who call themselves anything from Newbies to Rookies to Amateur and, after a while, even Professionals. Totally cool. This is for those kind of people who usually go and small friendly trips and each trip, the person has gone to, has at least one picture of 5 toes pointing towards each other.

Yep, like that. In case the person went alone, clicking toes of self is also allowed. If the person went to a beach, name written on the sand is also acceptable.

This post is meant for people who click their shadows.

Cute no?

This is for those people who like to click their own pictures. They deserve standing ovation because they go 1 step ahead in creativity and click themselves in mirror. Clicking their own reflection is not only creative but also profoud. Clicking self-pictures from their mobile phones from a distance of a feet or so is also a task people who read this post like doing. So I guess you are getting what I am trying to tell here.

See, you people must have been told or taunted that you don’t deserve to be called as a Photographer. Wrong. Totally. See, if your parents or you yourself were able to afford to buy a P&S or a DSLR, you should be proud. Even if you carry a VGA camera mobile phone, it doesn’t make you downgraded or downtrodden by any means. What matters is that you like to click. What matter is that you at least try to be creative. What matters is that you had the audacity to do what your mind told you to do. Clicking anything or everything is fine. All big photographers started like you did. Nobody started clicking sunsets all of a sudden. They first clicked Dead Cockroach on their staircases and only then they moved on to other subjects. You know what subjects mean no? You can always Google about Photography, no shame in it.

This was alive when I clicked. Yes, you can tell your grandkids the stories of my bravery. C’mon sit down sit down, it was just a cockroach fellow.

See, you don’t need to be bogged down by people who challenge your creativity. Everyone is creative in their own way. You like to click pictures. You have all the right to do it. Share it on Facebook, Flickr, Instagram wherever you wish to. Peole may like it or hate it. But they have no damn right to discourage you. They may write long blog posts about people who claim to be photographers but aren’t. Who are they to judge you? If you have a camera, flaunt it. Flash and flash hard. No pun. Seriously, just click what your heart says.

And by the way, Happy World Photography Day. (http://www.worldphotoday.org/)

P.S.: Click click and click. From humans to frogs. To single frog to frogs mating. But keep clicking.

Going through changes

Whilst traffic was terrific as rush hour being crucial, and IT zombies were snoring in the bus, as usual, when I see a bunch of people walking in the rain, holding Indian flags in their hands, holding banner of ‘India Against Corruption’, something told me, man, we are going through changes.

Whilst my friends who were busy watching dubbed South Indian movies switched to news channels’ chaos, a friend in fact went to Electronic City to attend the cause, when I heard from my mother, that Papa went to ‘Statue Circle‘ in support of Anna Hazare yesterday evening, something told me, man, we are going through changes.

Whilst instead of talking about Cricket and movies, Farmville or a friend going from ‘Engaged’ to ‘Single’ on the Facebook Wall, I overheard people talking about Jan Lokpal, while watching people gathering outside Tihar, no matter they were from Kerala or Bihar, something told me, man, we are going through changes.

It kind of reminds me of 2006 when students were raising voices against reservation, which actually got crushed somehow as they lacked a leader and every political party was trying to get something out of the crisis and how, this time the agitation seems more wide spread where everyone is joining in, be it village or city, as obviously government is panicking using Lathis against peaceful protesters, beating up Babas at midnight, blaming civil society with genuine CDs which are now forgotten as if they were fake, heh, arresting people just for the fear that they might cause something weird, man, I feel, this is the time we are up to something positive and we are going through changes.

But…

We are a country of pessimists as we doubt each and every individual who tries to bring any change. We will post-mortem each and every motive which tries to challenge the system. We will support the cause but try to act super smart by pointing out 10 flaws in 9 point agenda put forward. Now when protests are picking up, some normal life is meant to be disrupted. We won’t bear it. We have to sit in our homes with remotes and see the change happening automatically. We want change but we won’t change. No no, this hunger strike and all is just a fad. This is not acceptable. Then what is? Do you want violent protests to get things done? Do you want highways to be blocked, roads to be rioted (like Rural England cities like London?), Anna or no Anna, do we want change or not? I toh will bribe the traffic police because I want things to be done quickly and I cannot afford this 500 Rs. fine and all. Isn’t it? If we want change, we have to change. Support the one who is at least trying. Stop doubting. We are actually going through changes. Full stop.

Rise of the Planet of the Monkey Thieves

Ok, so I don’t review movies because to review movies you have to either watch the movie with full on concentration of a 99% Hydro-Chloric Acid analyzing each and every fiber of the movie screen or re-view movie several times so that you can remember at what instant Director forgot the script or when Actor acted like a Chimp or when something wrong happened. Who the hell has the time and patience for that? And I don’t do anything unless I am paid or praised. Also, I don’t want to do it. Therefore I leave movie reviewing to more intelligent primates.Happy?

So yesterday I saw the movie ‘Rise of the Planet of The Apes’ 1.5 times with a friend. Actually I was half way through the movie which was going through a turning point when I got a call from my room-mate that I had to urgently pick up a courier at home as the courier was almost at the doorstep and nobody was home and the room-mate was at office. Bloody pWnage happened. So I had to run in the middle to collect. But since I had tasted blood so I had to complete the movie same day. So I came again and bought the tickets for the next show and watched the movie. You wanted to know what is #Facepalm? This is.

Now when you have arrived till this paragraph, I would not disappoint you. Lets review the movie. Heh. I liked the movie as it gives the same 1990s nostalgic feel when humans become unable to resist nature. I loved it when a group of apes out-thought humans and made them pay for their own mistakes. So I liked the movie as I saw it 1.5 times. The special effects were specially effective. The actors, including the humans behind the apes and the apes in general acted well. They must have been paid well as well. Although the movie was kind of a reboot and didn’t have any continuity from the previous editions. Go watch it if you like Animal based Action Adventure movie genre. I am not giving it any star. banana or any cookie. Monkeys take the stuff they want themselves anyways.

Although, when it comes to see a group of apes, I feel most of you are unlucky and lucky. I guess if you have seen ‘Monkey Thieves’ on National Geographic Channel, you will understand at what juncture I am reaching. See, Jaipur city is surrounded by some sort of jungle around the city. So as you must’ve seen in The Jungle Book, all Indian jungles have loads of Monkeys. So these monkeys consider Jaipur as their second home as they get easy food there. So at least once in a day, they come in a group of about 40-50 monkeys, violently as they are monkeys, and mess up the clothes drying up on the roofs, topple over the stuff left drying up on the roof for pickels, and do the fun monkey style. I would like to bring it to your kind notice that when 40-50 humans come together violently, they do more damage than these monkeys. Monkeys are actually a menace for the common folk as sometimes they do enter the rooms and as they are evolved enough, they open the fridge and use it as it was their own. They basically feel home at our homes. If your scientific brain is fluctuating let me pour water on it by telling that the monkeys which usually visit humans are Indian Rhesus Macaque and Gray Langurs.While the Macaque are mostly notorious kind and they don’t feel shy to come close to humans, Langurs or Langoors are slightly stronger and usually remain away. When they arrive, they jump on cars, ruining the roof as they are being chased by the stray dogs. They sometimes jump on electric wires and end up with a sparking death, sadly. In the temples, where people bring in Prasaad and fruits, they sometimes snatch the eatables leaving humans dry and afraid. Fun. The thing is not just limited to Jaipur but actually a common sighting in many North Indian Cities including the Monkey Man Capital, Older part of New Delhi.

Now when it came to the movie we are talking about, it showed some scenes where only Americans will drop their jaw in awe and not Indians as we have already seen the interference of monkeys in our day to day lives. But those monkeys don’t throw Metal Rods like Javelins on cars for sure. So some scenes in the movie don’t impress much as they would have impressed the First World. But overall the movie succeeds in entertaining and making one watch it 1.5 times and teaches us the basic fact that messing too much into the Nature has its repercussions.

But think about this. Who knows our encroachment into jungles is actually doing some brain damage to animals. Who knows that these monkeys have not learnt things from us, both good and bad. Who knows that one day they will come to us and ask ‘What’s the time bro?’. Who knows that as they are the descendants of Lord Hanuman who went into a shell after the Ramayana are ultimately waiting for the right time to show us that we humans who are corrupted, high on estrogen and testosterone, with no sense of humanity left are actually living in Kaliyug and there is one expiry date for that. We are in process to make Robots who will ultimately rule us via Skynet and we are still ignoring the Nature around us. This Nature itself can show us who’s the boss even before we’re able to make one Artificial Intelligent Bot.

Relax. It’s only fiction and not the reality but next time a monkey comes near you, don’t try to converse with it as it might reply.Ok? Good.

Pic courtesy: