Category Archives: experiences

Roundup 2014

Well, 2014 is over before you could even spell it out. It got over as quickly as your weekends get over if you sleep a little extra. Here’s my round up of 2014 just for the sake of documenting my life for future biography and also for blogging’s sake which I am continuing since last 7 years or so (Don’t know why).

I know you weren’t able to follow through on your resolutions, as always and same way, 2014 was quite an eventful year for me as well. I ticked off a few things from my bucket list as completed and deleted (moved into Sour Grapes Category) a few. Putting them into bullet points to make the post look longer and more readable:

  • Things like buying a motorcycle and getting a new job in a company which was my favorite company during a particular week in 2005 (since I am working here now, masha-allah, it still is) was successfully accomplished. This sounds like very archaic but it is not.
  • Apart from the usual yada yada, we all became more Cynical (High 5! Wait no, Low 5!), gained some more weight and pissed off more people than getting pissed off by.
  • I also got into Twitter debates (Yes, this was the all-important polarizing, divisive election year so I have made it large finally but still as a faileb) and got called names, one of which rhymes with the phrase ‘ You are so Cute yeah!’.
  • Got my name published in some newspaper/website for posters (again), which is a surprisingly good thing that it is still going on like 2012.
  • Got into the act of hitting and getting hit on to reassure my belief that I am still a human. (Who was the idiot who devised this act of flirting to be called as Hitting? Weird.)
  • Talking of the point above, I did manage to ruffle some feathers by not giving in to the process of spamming FB with photos of weddings and honeymoons. Yet. So you still have a chance. But you had this chance for years, no? Useless fellows.
  • Although, I couldn’t go on any world tour because of my busy schedule of sleeping on weekends (what have I become!), but I did sneak a 2 day weekend visit to Pondicherry, which was a good pleasant time and gave me a lot of pics to Instagram.
  • Also, I met Sidin Vadukut (who doesn’t want to meet him and ask about Whale joke, which I did ask BTW) at Bangalore Literature Festival. Also, I attended a concert by Shreya Ghoshal which I left midway because it was dinner time while she was singing and everyone knows what our priorities are. I met many other Twitter/Blogger friends too and got into lovely chit chat which could have gone for hours and hours but that can happen some other time too.
  • Talking of dinner, I am giving up all my hopes on Vegetarian food. Man, can’t we think of anything else than Paneer. I am fed up of Paneer. Seriously you guys. Potato which used to be my favorite food item on Earth, is being seriously under-used in this part of the world and mostly my household.
  • I am bored of Acche Din, already. I mean, whatever Govt. is doing good, that would not show results in at least 2 years. And whatever Govt. is doing bad, like not shutting up so-called-Nationalists is getting more attention. And, fed up of seeing Mr. Narendra Modi on TV, Newspaper, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Radio, Roads, etc all the time.
  • I am not going to promise myself the same thing I am promising myself since these last 7 years to blog and write more but I will just say that I will try…

This sums up the year 2014 for me. Let’s see what 2015 brings!

Please Like my Baby

Please like my baby for my baby is so cute,
Look at its* cho-chweet cheeks, and at its tiny snoot…
How cuddly it is, so plump and fluffy, don’t you think so?
So adorable no? The eyes, don’t you think they glow?
The sound it makes, gagagogo gulp, isn’t that music to your ear,
It might be difficult to decipher for you, should I translate to make it clear?

Hey like my baby alright, don’t like it more than necessary…
Although, I’ve applied kala tika protection but I’m wary to keep evils at bay,
No no, don’t ever dare to make that annoyed face, for my baby is a dude,
Doesn’t matter if it wets your lap, don’t complain, no, it’s rude…
How dare you showed discomfort on the running nose of my baby…
Even if it drools more than its weight, why are you going so crazy,

Are you jealous that it is my baby and yours are going down the drain,
You have to like mine on all social media even if it inflicts any pain…
Yes, you are a nobody, what you know you dumbo, still I need your approval,
I’m going to send my baby to this baby beauty contest, if I don’t someone else will…
Do you realize how important is it, to get these social media validations…
Baby will need them in school admission and other important certifications,

I’ve changed my DP to my baby’s pics to show my honesty and intimacy…
Why should I fear, when it grows old, it will take care of its own privacy,
So praise it now and then, please like my baby for my baby is so cute,
It’s an opportunity for you to prove your friendliness, O’ my friend so astute,
Do like the pic where the baby is asleep with father/mother, that’s the pic with the juice…
Yes, do the job you have been asked to do as baby is the best thing we could (re)produce.

(* Using its because we don’t differentiate between boy and girl child on this blog)

P.S.: I thought I am going to offend many people with this post but nobody is going to read this anyway so I am safe. I hope.

Selective Fanhood

X is a great artist doing impeccable service to the art X excels in.

X is an alcoholic and also abuses people.

Some people still love X for the class and others hate X for the crass.

(Solve for X. hehe. Don’t don’t. It’s OK.)

How we filter out certain qualities of people to like or hate them is amazing! We can ignore all bad qualities of someone who does something we like and we ignore all good qualities of someone whom we love to hate. For example, Salman Khan. Some die-hard fans completely ignore the sub-judice cases he is fighting in cases ongoing from more than a decade which involve some deprived humans and animals of National Importance dying. For them, he is the role-model whose dialogue deliveries without a shirt on give more pleasure to people than people mocking him for the same. Another example, Steve Jobs, who was a great visionary who changed the face of technology people use. But he was also a ruthless eccentric individual who was expelled from his own company and he sometimes treated his subordinates with utmost disrespect. There are actors who have divorced more number of times than they do movies per year and we have scattered on both sides of spectrum opinions for them based on our biases. They have their personal lives and their profession should be separate. They full right to do whatever they want but where’s the boundary over which we as fans need to decide whether we should peep into the hole or not.

Now since we are on the Internet, let’s insert Godwin’s Law into our discussion. What if I were a fan of Hitler’s paintings and had no connection whatsoever to the holocaust on any level? Although this analogy is very far fetched (as many others when Godwin’s law is invoked), not caring for the death of 6 million people is insanity but when does love for some artists override the other crimes/immoral/unethical stuff they do. We love our rock bands when we know that half of the time they are neck deep doped. We love Eminem even when we know what lyrics his songs contain. How was Indira Gandhi back to power after the debacle of Emergency? How has Modi’s fanbase exponentially risen now, although we all know that 2002 shames us again and again? How can we put a blind eye to certain events and rejoice over others? How can we relish 100 Rs. Ice-cream at a parlour and ignore the wailing beggar just outside.

I was in Hyderabad for few months and didn’t hear anything bad about Ramalinga Raju even when for me, it was a huge setback personally which costed me almost 2 years professionally. Just because he gave employment to many people there.

When we all follow double standards, and we all do no matter what we claim, the act of being on a higher ground morally based on our personal biases is a proof that we all are, bigots.

Science of Abusing

Ever wondered why most of the abuses which usually everyone (across the world) uses on a daily basis are generally based around females or feminine parts?

For example: A couple of nights ago, I watched a recently released Hindi movie ‘Mardaani’ which is a Hindi word translated to English meaning ‘Masculine’. The protagonist is a female police officer and it’s about girl child trafficking who’s kingpin eventually gets busted by the lady officer. The most commonly used abuse in the movie, produced by someone who usually make lovey dovey movies, to make it look more ‘realistic’ is ‘Chutiya’ and its variants. This word, which is not even considered an abuse at many places in India, literally means someone who has female genital. So, in short, the movie which has a masculine name to show that the protagonist is a fearless and brave woman (like men usually are) uses the word which in itself derogatory for women (meaning weak and fragile like womenfolk usually are). According to many people, that is.

Almost every abuse you come across has to do something with a female. Even if a guy is a total sonofabitch, it’s his mother’s mistake apparently or politely you may say upbringing and that is solely mother’s responsibility because men don’t. If a guy does something ordinary or extra-ordinary or does nothing at all, people react usually by congratulating the sister. And surprisingly not only men use these abuses, many females use them as well. It is similar to showing off oneself as cool by smoking a cigarette. Now since prices have increased, only other way to show coolness is by abusing.

I was meaning to understand the logic behind this human tradition. Just putting up some questions without answers in this post:

  • Is it just a ploy to keep them under the thumb forever by keep making them feel inferior?
  • Is it just a way to make men feel guilty of their existence if they do anything remotely feminine, say crying?
  • Do people feel relieved after they abuse? Personally, only to a certain extent but never fully satisfied. Because probably I like to punch instead of abuse. But you cannot punch yourself always after a certain number of times, no?
  • Is it part of human genome to abuse to let go of stress? If yes, why not abuse a stone? Why only concentrate hatred on women?
  • What did women do to become a favorite in the abuse business? Who decided these rules of society where women cannot do certain things (Like burping (Remember Queen?))? And if they do, all hells break loose.
  • Calling a man a woman or a donkey or whatever, how does that matter?
  • What is the science behind it?
  • Why do people laugh when they hear abuses? It is not as taboo as other things. It doesn’t require much of an effort.

And so on…

Going to vote baby!

I can’t promise to not put up a candid inked selfie of my index finger after I vote tomorrow. It has been such a long time I last voted, in 2009 twice and both the times, the people for whom I voted, lost. Well, voting is the least I can do to contribute something to the country, if not pollution, population and generally dissing the system. And I am excited about voting. (baby!)

Everyone wants to believe that they’re important. Everyone wants to express and believe that people listen to them. That’s why we post status messages on Facebook and Tweet about what are eating for dinner. But when it comes to expressing about who they want to see as their political leader, you are bombarded with aggressive replies, showered with cynicism and painted some-tard by the others and occasional shoe hurlings DUCK!. I will try with this post to ruffle your hair with love and affection and ask you to please vote this time to make you feel important. If you want, I will accompany you to a pub too, if that helps (but I won’t drink and you will pay for my nachos at least).

People need to understand how important is it to vote, and donate blood and I want to push you to do both. If you are anaemic then just vote. I know that you’re thinking that voting and blood donation is almost the same thing although the latter is voluntary. Personally speaking from my life experience, I never forced anyone to do anything but I suggest you to try voting. I don’t even request anyone to do anything but doing small bits for the society can give you more happiness than eating Mangoes if you’re diabetic. No seriously, the contestants will always be dubious criminal minded shady people but we have to choose the least shady from them. This has been the trend always and will continue to be in future till Robots take over. Not only you can feel pride and sense of importance, but you can at least have a say in some way rather than sitting at home and cribbing about system. I don’t think I have convinced you but let’s say, do it for showing off to people that you voted. That should convince you.

Now the question is whom to vote. Good that you asked because this is very important. See, this is India’s General Election (special actually) to select National Government. You’re going to select the people who are going to formulate national and international level policies. Please note that they are not going to fix the road outside your home, no. That’s state government’s job. Union govt. deals with bigger problems. Like taxes and major economic policies which can impact your wallet directly, railways, defence, deciding on next India Pakistan cricket matches, issue of that nonsense 15 kg baggage limit in domestic flights, etc. Now do you want people who ruled us for more than 60 years and gave us ‘Babaji’s Thullu’ by doing less than what they could or those who look more decisive, (better orators?), less family oriented and mildly less corrupt (but surrounded by idiots who want to decide which colour you should wear while going to cinema) or you want people who appeared very honest and refreshing change but totally TRP hungry which means they could have been a great alternative to first two but they turned out to be only couch potato freaks who just make noise and do nothing. The last sentence turned out to be pretty long but you cannot get goodies unless you spend little energy in choosing your leaders who are going to represent your country.

So go out with your voter ID card (or any other valid document), don’t take your phone with you, reach the polling booth, do the formalities and press the bloody EVM hard so that it beeps and registers your vote like anything.

I would still go out with you if you at least tried to vote but couldn’t get your name listed in the electoral list. If you don’t want to vote just because everyone is an idiot, just remember that the fight will always between a Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich (South Park reference) so you have to choose one to be counted.

P.S.: Well, this selfie is a stupid word IMHO. Suicide is also a kind of selfie, right?

Confusionism

It is slightly difficult being an Atheist, I feel. Without enraging a lot of people, one cannot follow/unfollow what one wants, when one wants, religion-wise. Personally, I do think there’s a higher (or lower but what is up and down) power which somehow controls things to avoid falling into one another but I also think that for the higher power, I am equally important as the electric poles which are used by dogs. So I am confused about the category of my religious inclination towards something I don’t understand.

In few years I will be reaching 30. Sigh. (And you’re not getting any younger either by the way, so don’t smirk). And since I can conclude that I have lived at least 1/3rd of my life already, I have become more confused than clear about the concept of religion. Too much Breaking Bad, South Park, Game of Thrones and real life examples of dwindling morals seen in the trailing part of 20s did me in. I decided that I am now going to question my beliefs and ask questions, wherever possible. Except Quora as I mostly see joke answers there now.

It was observed that most of the beliefs I had (as a Hindu) are just because of traditions. Since it is traditionally been followed since years, we have to follow it. May be they started as suggestions to keep people disciplined and that was that. But now people follow them just following the herd mentality. Don’t get haircut on Tuesday. Why? May be in the Vedas, it was mentioned that barbers had an off day on Tuesday which turned to a superstition eventually. Don’t eat certain things in Navratra and other times, it is alright to do anything. Moreover, I don’t feel like pleasing Gods to get things done for myself. What is the need to bribe God through praying? God is like your traffic police, is it? Going to temples is anyways not a necessity in my religion (yes seriously) because if God is omnipresent, he/she can directly understand what you’re thinking anyways. And how selfish are you to ask things from God again and again? Not a good habit. Religions have mostly led to hatred and illogical debates which pleased nobody except the politicians. It has always created divide and disharmony among humans, isn’t it? Morality and religion need not coincide and as Rust Cohle says ‘If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward then, brother, that person is a piece of shit.’.

But then important question is that what is the need of religion. Why do we need to be tethered to a religion to keep ourselves grounded?

There are so many advantages of Religion as well, aren’t there? The advantages outnumber the disadvantages? Let me try to list them and see.

1. Stress Buster 
When one is down and out (because of traffic and life in general) and have nobody around to share, a shoulder to care (for the rhymes), a temple be it of any religion can be a great place for solace. The silence there can cure stress better than paying loads of cash at some Ashram++ to detox yourself. Oh, Internet works in that case too by the way. (I should mention that I don’t support the culture of preaching and loud speakers reciting parody songs at religious places.)

2. Underground Bunkers 
When wars happen, places of worship are spared for sometime (I may be wrong) because most of the non-atheists fears God. So that place can be safer than the rest. Unless of course the war is itself religion based. In that case, build an underground bunker and stay there for minimum 18 days and don’t come out even if I say it is safe to come out.

3. Holiday Planning 
But the best part about religion are the Holidays and the Festivals. We get at max 10 official holidays, 3 of which happened to be Secular (read Indian National) holidays. Now as an atheist, what right do I have to ask for such Holidays. I once wished someone Happy Diwali on Whatsapp and the reply I got was ‘Happy Holiday’. Anyways, if we followed more than one religion, we would enjoy a lot more. With religious holidays comes great sweets and other eatables. And the purpose of life is to relish those sweets, isn’t it? The buildup to these festivals is exciting in itself. Who cares that why the festival is celebrated. Important is that it is celebrated and we get a chance pollute environment and waste water! If Crime is done as a religious belief, everything is spared, right? But getting holidays is always welcome, isn’t it?

We have to decide ourselves whether we want long weekends or unnecessary stress because we didn’t fast on Karwachauth.

P.S.: Don’t confuse the title with Confucianism but may be they’re confused too. Ooh.

When Nature Wants, It Takes It Back

There’s a garden near my apartment which ‘was’ used by the people for jogging, playing milder outdoor games and good old sitting and chatting (and romancing). Since last month, it has been taken over by birds from far and wide and humans have been ousted. Cool, I say!

Those birds are probably migratory, as there’s a lake nearby but isn’t this in itself a feat! The whole place is now white in color thanks to the bird’s shit and it smells like a chicken cage. But people cannot go there anymore. A lock has been installed outside the gate and place is now indefinitely inaccessible for humans. Isn’t this a rare occasion? A garden 500 square meter right between the city surrounded by houses from all sides has now been taken away from people.

I guess this is a very minute example of the fact that we humans take our self too seriously. We plan, build and live considering that everything is permanent while it is far from being even temporary. Whenever nature decides to take it back it does and we can just be mere spectators.

Probably soon, the municipal corporation will shoo away the birds by hook or crook as the neighbors have complained about the dangerous of diseases. What about the diseases we’ve given to these birds?