opinions – Page 24 – Abhinav Bhatt

Humor is dying

They say that Print is dying. Which is technically correct, print has always been dying ink onto paper. But sadly, digital media is actually killing the newspaper. Not because everyone now has a mobile phone with Internet and everything is available online easily. But because the quality of newspaper hasn’t increased much and admit it, it is difficult to hold while you are on a commode, unlike your phone which is so easy (until it slips from your hand and…)

The print is actually dying faster nowadays because new age websites which present content in lists and bullet points have become immensely popular. Their motive is to break down the story into 35 points or average IQ of the reader (whichever is lower) to make people understand the point the news is trying to make. Now since I am a very happy going (jolly?) and optimistic person, I don’t like to read sad news only. Enough of killing, corruption, crimes against women and hatred against creed, caste or religion. I expect a piece which is full of satire, wit, and name calling of anyone with whom I don’t agree with. So to find genuine humor in a newspaper, either you have to read a Hindi newspaper where all news items are deliberately presented with a headline which unintentionally sounds funny, or you have to find lighthearted humor pieces online.

Online there were funny blogs and funny columns. Then there were sites like Faking News and Unreal Times, to name a few, which were doing a fine job but their problem was that people didn’t read anything apart from first 8-9 words which happened to be their headline. But they surely had wit and good humor if not the best. Then in the last couple of years, new websites came up which you won’t believe, that they could blow your mind the next minute you log onto them. I wouldn’t share their URLs because hyper-linking is endorsement but I will give slight hints which might appear as Buzzfeed and their desi copy paste jobs like scoopwhoop, etc.

Ok, serious stuff from this line: These websites present comedy (and sometimes pictures from email forwards of the late 90s) with lists and have GIFs or just normal photos accompanying the 2-3 word text. This is because pictures are louder than words, we all know that and editorial quality of such websites is almost zero, why write text when you can post pictures. One of the common topics they touch is nostalgia by posting lists of 298 things you could do in the 90s but cannot do now. Or 85 radio advertisements which people miss nowadays because they don’t listen to the radio much. Or 36 types of people who are sexist because 24 hours a day they all talk about 36 sized people. But the lists and GIFs or normal pics with 28 pt sized text in Impact font with a stroke of 3 pts. are just for distraction. The best part about them are the headlines. These headlines might make you cry or blow your mind or make your limbs dysfunctional. The template for these headlines is so brilliant that it can never go old.

Now my point is that such websites are killing humor, shamelessly. They are making a reader keep his/her brain aside and laugh where they tell them to laugh. There is no subtle hidden humor which can make you smile. They have content which begs you to LOL by reminding you 25 things you might find funny but they aren’t but since we have added GIFs of emergency cute animals in them, they surely have become adorable.The reader doesn’t have to implement even a bit of the gray cell to read some genuinely good stuff which doesn’t accompany any picture. (like this text, hehe). The attention span had already taken a hit by those 140 character websites and now the sense of humor or the HQ or Humor Quotient has shattered into 128 pieces which got mixed with the brain which had blown a while ago. I tried giving them some attention but couldn’t laugh at it, in the same way, I cannot laugh at sitcoms which have a laughter track in them. Where are the good old pieces which tingled your funny bone and also shared the horrific news by mellowing them down to the level of humor? What happened to subtle humor which changed your opinion about things without making you go through pictures which take a huge amount of time to load on your mobile if you are inside a loo and you have only 2G?. I hope people move over these lists and come back to the real deal of text and larger attention spans. Amen.

So, if you didn’t read anything above since there were no bullet points or ordered lists, the summary is this: Humor is dying. (Same as the headline. ~~Did it blow your mind?~~)

P.S.: My last post on this was an NSFW comic. I loved making it because it incorporated elements from few of my fav. web comics. Though, most didn’t understand that. Can’t blame because you like spending time on 9Gag more than the sites from where they curate stuffs actually.

Featured Photo by:

Austin Chan

Apple and Open Source Issues

Apple is going to have its coveted event on 9.9.14 and will probably bring another revolutionary device, as people assume. It has been 30 years since Mac arrived. It was a revolutionary product back then in 1984 when personal computing was still a far-fetched joke for the geeks and nerds. However, soon Windows arrived and whatever Microsoft did, by hook or crook, changed Apple. The same is happening again.

In 2007, iPhone arrived and changed the course of how the mobile phones will be made in future. This is 2014 and we have already forgotten 2007. While Samsung has been the real competition, several other small players using Android OS has actually shaken Apple heavily.

Before I start my rant, let me tell I don’t own any Apple product except iTunes. Wait, let me confirm. Yes, all my vital organs are intact, so yes, I don’t own any Apple product. And before 2013, I had never used any Apple product myself. But then I was an Apple fanboy. (See!) Then by chance, I got to work on Apple machines for office work and I started hating them because of their closed and rigid design and the non-stop crashing of Microsoft and Oracle applications made for Mac. I had no problems with the native Apple applications ever however. Also, the hardware design is so brilliant that no other machine comes close to it.

So after using a Mac for 1 year and developing a good bit of hatred because its hype and non-flawlessness (and because I was officially working on it) I just started using Windows again and felt the difference. One kind of misses the Mac and its solid hardware software integration because Windows seems so fragile and made of low quality plywood over which if you stand, it might break. So while writing this, I like Mac better but since it is SO COSTLY STILL and non-flawlessness, I don’t know whether I am an Apple fanboy anymore or not. My stance towards Windows is still same, that is, its just okay. Now let me come to the main motive of this post.

I think there are a few things which once created, don’t belong to the creator. For instance, Language and few forms of arts. Urdu for instance cannot belong to Muslims, as it is treated in India. Similarly, more importantly infact, Sanskrit is linked to Hindus but I think Languages cannot be held married to a certain religion. Same goes with Programming languages. C language was invented in early 70s and still being used all over the world for several purposes. Because it was Open Source (as in anyone can write a program in C, just with a compiler), it has flourished. Similarly, the art like dance. Michael Jackson might have patented the Anti-Gravity move but how can you stop anyone from doing it? The concept of patent itself is honest but used ferociously because people misuse and abuse them. I mean, patent was created so that the person who invented gets royalty and respect and while the other person uses it, gives the creator due credit for the labor one invested in creating the thing. Take the example of Elon Musk. His company Tesla Motors recently announced that anyone is allowed to use their technology to create better things. Such a nice gesture and totally Anti-Apple where using rounded corners by other companies had become such a huge issue. Now when it comes to music, if one creates a tune/song, in today’s world, it would take seconds to bootleg/rip it and be put online somewhere for free download. Being snobby while being an artist cannot work. Indian Ocean band stopped selling their stuffs and now rely only on their stage performance where they charge an entry fee because they thought that there art suffered because of snobbery of record publishing music companies. Lucky Ali’s last album Rastaman, was uploaded for free download.

Now when it comes to graphic design, one visual form can be adapted by anyone and can use it anywhere. Respect comes when you acknowledge from where you got the inspiration. Everyone cannot do that.

Confusionism

It is slightly difficult being an Atheist, I feel. Without enraging a lot of people, one cannot follow/unfollow what one wants, when one wants, religion-wise. Personally, I do think there’s a higher (or lower but what is up and down) power which somehow controls things to avoid falling into one another but I also think that for the higher power, I am equally important as the electric poles which are used by dogs. So I am confused about the category of my religious inclination towards something I don’t understand.

In few years I will be reaching 30. Sigh. (And you’re not getting any younger either by the way, so don’t smirk). And since I can conclude that I have lived at least 1/3rd of my life already, I have become more confused than clear about the concept of religion. Too much Breaking Bad, South Park, Game of Thrones and real life examples of dwindling morals seen in the trailing part of 20s did me in. I decided that I am now going to question my beliefs and ask questions, wherever possible. Except Quora as I mostly see joke answers there now.

It was observed that most of the beliefs I had (as a Hindu) are just because of traditions. Since it is traditionally been followed since years, we have to follow it. May be they started as suggestions to keep people disciplined and that was that. But now people follow them just following the herd mentality. Don’t get haircut on Tuesday. Why? May be in the Vedas, it was mentioned that barbers had an off day on Tuesday which turned to a superstition eventually. Don’t eat certain things in Navratra and other times, it is alright to do anything. Moreover, I don’t feel like pleasing Gods to get things done for myself. What is the need to bribe God through praying? God is like your traffic police, is it? Going to temples is anyways not a necessity in my religion (yes seriously) because if God is omnipresent, he/she can directly understand what you’re thinking anyways. And how selfish are you to ask things from God again and again? Not a good habit. Religions have mostly led to hatred and illogical debates which pleased nobody except the politicians. It has always created divide and disharmony among humans, isn’t it? Morality and religion need not coincide and as Rust Cohle says ‘If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward then, brother, that person is a piece of shit.’.

But then important question is that what is the need of religion. Why do we need to be tethered to a religion to keep ourselves grounded?

There are so many advantages of Religion as well, aren’t there? The advantages outnumber the disadvantages? Let me try to list them and see.

1. Stress Buster
When one is down and out (because of traffic and life in general) and have nobody around to share, a shoulder to care (for the rhymes), a temple be it of any religion can be a great place for solace. The silence there can cure stress better than paying loads of cash at some Ashram++ to detox yourself. Oh, Internet works in that case too by the way. (I should mention that I don’t support the culture of preaching and loud speakers reciting parody songs at religious places.)

2. Underground Bunkers
When wars happen, places of worship are spared for sometime (I may be wrong) because most of the non-atheists fears God. So that place can be safer than the rest. Unless of course the war is itself religion based. In that case, build an underground bunker and stay there for minimum 18 days and don’t come out even if I say it is safe to come out.

3. Holiday Planning
But the best part about religion are the Holidays and the Festivals. We get at max 10 official holidays, 3 of which happened to be Secular (read Indian National) holidays. Now as an atheist, what right do I have to ask for such Holidays. I once wished someone Happy Diwali on Whatsapp and the reply I got was ‘Happy Holiday’. Anyways, if we followed more than one religion, we would enjoy a lot more. With religious holidays comes great sweets and other eatables. And the purpose of life is to relish those sweets, isn’t it? The buildup to these festivals is exciting in itself. Who cares that why the festival is celebrated. Important is that it is celebrated and we get a chance pollute environment and waste water! If Crime is done as a religious belief, everything is spared, right? But getting holidays is always welcome, isn’t it?

We have to decide ourselves whether we want long weekends or unnecessary stress because we didn’t fast on Karwachauth.

P.S.: Don’t confuse the title with Confucianism but may be they’re confused too. Ooh.

The Art vs The Artist

Music is pretty much like religion. If you force it on to someone, it leaves a very peculiar taste in mouth. And so goes with any other kind of art form as well but you can’t close your ears to the music around.

Mostly people don’t distinguish between the two. If an artist has created something genius, the artist is considered to be a genius as well. Fandom of theirs starts considering them Godlike. All their moves, gestures, antics and styles are imitated. And then a certain point comes when even if the artist creates lowest grade of work by their own and general standard, no fan can ought to take it like a good loser. Although it is perfectly okay to be a non-genius sometimes but who will tell this to the fan!

There are certain songs which are easy to listen. Listen to it once, you will like or dislike it. Like ‘Get Lucky’ of Daft Punk. Listen to it once, and automatically your foot starts tapping. Then there are certain songs which take their time to ‘grow’ on you. I remember, it was 1999 when the movie ‘Taal’ was released and it was the first time when Subhash Ghai was collaborating with the genius AR Rahman. Rahman hadn’t won any Oscar then and had composed music for only a handful of Hindi films. Although, his genius was proven already thanks to the still his best work till date ‘Bombay’ and ‘Roja’. When I first heard the CD of Taal, I wasn’t particularly amused by it. It felt like weird experiments of uncommon instruments and usage of sounds of rain which were a rarity in Hindi Music. Though, after repeated listenings, I started liking the songs. Since then, I can relate to someone when they say they’re giving Rahman repeated plays to let the songs grow on them. This has gone a bit far now as there are a number of ‘Rahmaniacs’ who cannot believe that there could be some people who might have not liked the music of ‘Rockstar’, etc.

Eminem’s ‘Stan’ (and now ‘Bad Guy’) tell the story of fans who went berserk over the artist and took their works literally word by word. Well, majority of Eminem’s songs are referring to himself and he insists on telling his fans that love his music but leave him alone. Respect the artwork he has created but let him live the life he wants. Enjoy the songs but let him enjoy a peaceful supper with his family if he goes out in the evening to some restaurant. Usually, as it goes with any ‘star’, if they’re seen in public, people barge in on them and at times, the ‘star’ obliges to give auto & photographs. Though sometimes, given the pressure of looking good, carrying the ego of a public figure and amount of public going gaga over them, they lose their temper and misbehave. That’s why thinking of meeting your favourite artist is like trying to meet the president of some nation.

Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter rock. And they just don’t rock like any other rockstar, they rock like no one does. I am talking about the guys behind Daft Punk. ‘Around the World’ hit me a long time ago and then I heard ‘Aerodynamic’, ‘Da Funk’, ‘Crescendolls’, etc and ‘Random Access Memories’ has made me their permanent fan. And this is where they (and Eminem too for a bit) hold me from becoming a fanatic. They don’t appear much on TV, don’t give many interviews, and when they do, they are always in their super brilliant disguise with those amazing Helmets. Their point of view is that they want their music to take the front stage and let their personal details stay hidden underneath those lovely Robotic Helmets (which go by the kind of music they create).

To put it simply, the art will surely outlive the artist. I am going to cherish the art more and worry less about the artist. I am going to give full respect to the artist for creating that art which moved me but I am also going to show my discomfort with the art by the same artist which failed to impress me.

Going Offline

To start the first post on a new blogging platform with ‘Going Offline’ as the title is mildly awkward but this is what I am going to write about to debut on Svbtle.

My aim in 2014 to go off the Google Search. Or to at least push my name to second page of Google Search and let others who bear the same name get the chance to the show their mettle, if any. On the images link, I want no image of me lurking around from any social media website barring the ones already published on any news media site because one cannot ask them to bring the pics down. To achieve this, I have already decided to stay social but stay low profile. That is, I have removed all the pictures where I happen to be tagged on Facebook. Set the privacy settings on Facebook (oxymoron?) to ‘only me’ on all the profile pictures and deleted all the always-public cover pictures.

On Twitter, the aim is to collate the ideas which were behind those wasted 140 characters and put them into meaningful blog posts. This is bit like talking to myself instead of just shouting a couple of words in a day for no effect but just to get some RTs. I won’t meddle much with Google.com/+ because nobody cares anyways.

Well, the reason behind this sudden decision to stay low profile on Internet is because it has become too much in our lives. Sharing lives online has become more than what it was intended to be. People are getting judged over how active or social they are online is absolutely uncalled for but unavoidable. Although, I am not going to be anonymous. Online anonymity is a good thing if you want to say whatever you want but don’t want any trouble. But I have decided to still say whatever I want without worrying about any trouble. Being honest is the best way to keep hair on your head.

I am done with the urge to get comments and likes and RTs for small things. (You can give Kudos here but I will try to ignore them too.) I just want to go offline and breathe a bit more, run a bit more, write a bit more and create a bit more.

P.S.: I am also going to publish the same on my ongoing blog on WordPress.

(Published on abnv.svbtle.com simultaneously)

Update on 3rd May 2014: Giving up on profile picture on Facebook because I have been told that this is not the age to hide. Point duly noted.

Bangalore Literature Festival 2013 Pictures

Here are some pictures from Day 2 of Bangalore Literature Festival 2013. I was just happy to witness Gulzar Sahab speaking and attending my 2nd Literature Fest after attending Jaipur’s 2012 edition.