Zombingaloroo-uuu-u

(Kindly read this in a heavy whispering voice. No, heavier, yes, you can do it.)

Year: 2019
Place: Looroouuu (Speak this word slow and with wheezing in your voice)

It has been more than 418 days since the Sun came out, here in Looroouuu. Yes, 418 days without Sun in Looroouuu. A 1000 or so years ago, this was called Bendakaluru. Then it became Bangalore 200 odd years ago under British rule and then it stayed the same for some years after British left. Then it became Bengalooroo few years ago and then it became Bengalooroouuu. Similar additions of oouuu and removal of other useless alphabets have resulted in the current name and eventually it will become just U*.

*If this city survives. If not even the U will disappear into oblivion.

Anyways, that’s not the point. Point is that this place which was a bustling city overflowing with people young and old (and making world a better place through innovation and servicing the Information Technology industry of the world), till some couple of years ago has now become a deserted place with only a handful of entities left. Since the outbreak of the virus Zombola 2 years ago somewhere in the country called USA, it took away life and life out of property with it. Bangalore was the worst hit of the all because people downloaded the viruses through torrents and injected themselves with it using the pen drive injection iCrack* (which was Apple’s most innovative product since their last most innovative product which was bigger, better and thinner) which then lead to disastrous results. Yes, the virus which was originated as a computer code eventually got mixed with the human genome code and made the people Half-Human-Half-Zombie.

(You can now stop whispering but keep the tone heavier, for dramatic effects which this post needs but doesn’t deserve)

About 418 days ago, Zombola spreaded like Wild Fire in this city. Everyone got affected. (Dramatic Pause) Everyone. Govt. officials who had already evacuated (not sure why), then quarantined the city. Half-Human-Half-Zombie people had got no clue whatsoever but they had been trapped, left on their own on that day. Nobody could go out, nobody could come in. People didn’t know that they have been converted to something beyond their beliefs. They had been zombified. The only good thing which happened because of this was the return of Awesome Bangalore Weather, which had gone extinct somewhere in the 2010s due to excessive jinxing by tweeting. The Half-Human-Half-Zombies didn’t realize that the disappearance of Sun would be even more fatal for them eventually, as now they didn’t know whether it was day or night. Because the office they worked in, always had lights on and windows closed, the only source of their Vitamin D had been blocked by the clouds. In this precarious situation, Half-Human-Half-Zombie people went into a weird limbo. Where they thought, everything was fine, but nothing was. This new species was termed PeopleZ (People + Zombies) because there was no one left to think of any better name, as they were all ill.

PeopleZ facial features now resembled Zombies but they all wore formals. Even on Fridays. They roamed all around the roads shouting ‘Appraisals! Appraisals’ but in horrific and deafening and coarse voices. Their only source of food was HID cards which they still wore with their companies tag. But they still had half of their brains left which made them realize that if they chew off their HID cards, they will die. So they just sucked it. The City roads had become more frightening than ever because the traffic had cleared off, which was like a shock to the people who had already been shocked many times over due to the recent events. PeopleZ thought that this meant they could easily roam around and reach respective offices on time but such thoughts were short-lived because the Autorickshaw Drivers had gotten infected more. Auto Rickshaws appeared on the road out of nowhere and they could hit you from any directions possible if you stood near the road, even on footpaths. The hit carcass was then harassed by the driver zombies by asking for 20 more Rupees extra on the meter. Sigh.

The main cause of all of this predicament was iCrack. Probably this is what Apple founder Steve Jobs always wanted i.e. mix people, computer and make them high, but we will never know. Status-Quo has been maintained since all these days. Well, you forgot to ask but this is a memoir being written by me. The only human survivor (I think, I wish I had someone else with me too to repopulate the city but all in vain) who has survived the onslaught by hiding under the Silk Board Bridge and not buying the iDevices in first place. Also, even the PeopleZ can’t come near Silk Board even now where light is still Red. This is a win win situation for me which has helped me survive as well, I must add. I am still waiting the light to turn green but observing the city from close proxmities by hiding and surviving. Let’s see how long I can hold on to dear life. Over & Out.

PeopleZ

No Comments

christybharath October 23, 2014 Reply

hehehe this is rib-tatsically funny!

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