How to get a Marriage Certificate?

This is you

So you want a Marriage Certificate to declare your marriage official? Great. You have come to the right page. Here’s a step by step description that can save you heaps of trouble. Go on:

Certificate is just a piece of paper but...
Certificate is just a piece of paper but…
  1. LET GO OF ALL YOUR EGO. All of it. There should be no trace left of it on your forehead, face, anywhere on your body. Otherwise you can’t do it. Throw your ego as far as you can. Wipe it clean. Delete it. Empty the recycle bin. Shift Delete the recycle bin itself now. Now maybe you are ready, just may be. Doesn’t matter you are a Team Leader with Best Employee award from last 5 years in your company or a best fast bowler in India or winner of best looking baby award in past. You are nobody. Remember this and proceed.
  2. Now decide to get married first. (read: surrender). I know this is a tough thing to decide quickly but it is okay. Nobody cares except you. Just do it. Eventually your body will get old and saggy so why not now? And in case you were eager and desperate yourself from the word go, go for it right away.
  3. Get married formally i.e. get married in front of few people. Peacock danced in the forest but no body watched so what’s the point, they say.
  4. Go to the Magistrate office or local Municipal corporation office. Reach there by 1030 MAX. Although you won’t find any staff there but good to reach before them. If you reach after they have reached, it would mean that you are not serious about getting the certificate. You will be dealt like how Autowalas deal with passengers when they don’t want to go anywhere.
  5. Find out in which room these marriage certifications are made or some point of contact to start the ordeal. The place will have lots of rooms and not all room house the right people. So find out where do you need to be. Don’t waste time.
  6. Once you find the right person, politely ask for the form. The politeness level depends the fate of the day. If you still have some ego left, please flush it down. If you haven’t brought the invitation card, you may be doomed and best is to resign and go to Himalayas. If you have the card without sweets, you must promise that you will bring sweets the next time with an expression of a puppy who just wants a cookie. If you don’t have anything but still want to pursue, don’t lose temper when the officer will throw away your form like you throw away garbage on the streets. This is how they roll. Bend a little more to enhance your body language and show humility.
  7. Get the form filled with utmost care. Get all the documents ready. Leave nothing behind. Bring all your birth, death, childhood, adulthood, financial and social certificates or cards. Memorize your grades in schools. Get couple photographs of your wedding in full attire and one without attire as in normal clothes. The photographs should be in sizes ranging from 3×5 and 4×6 and remember #nofilter.
  8. Once the documents are ready, proceed to the office where someone checks your document. They might be gone for lunch. So just be patient and wait. They’re still at lunch. They will always be in lunch so just wait. Once they appear, pounce on and show them  your documents. Now, they might be intimidating and scary. Don’t lose your cool when they say that you don’t look like the one who got married in the pics. Just smile silently. Once they do all the checks, they might ask priests or witness to testify. This is a normal process and involves a lot of visual insult and verbal patronizing but let it be. Happens yaar. You are not President of India. Chill.
  9. Once documents are verified, submit them to the office and wait. They might ask you again whether you got married properly. Just recite few mantras and shlokas to impress them. Don’t impress too much. Now the officer might wink at you. Wink means Chai-Paani. There is no need to do that. If you do serve Chai-Paani this list is useless. Please go see a doctor. If you want no corruption, just be down to Earth and polite and desperate. Few drops of tears to show your eagerness might help. Who knows. Now the officer will ask you the fee which ranges from Rupees 6 to Rupees 100. Again, if you have some jack, the officer will pay Rs. 6 from his/her own pocket. Otherwise people write a cheque or something and sigh.
  10. Keep waiting till your documents are approved and you get a certificate after few days. If you want it today itself, kindly regret because you don’t have any contacts.

Sigh. So this is the almost exact procedure. I had a contact but I didn’t know the person by face. So I asked one guy whether he knows this contact. He told me to go to some room. He himself was the contact but he never acknowledged. Talk about getting a certificate. All the best.

This is you
This is you

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