Formula 1 in India

So after much thought and approvals and preparations, F1 is actually coming to India. And that deserves a wow. From being a non-existing entity in Motor sport, and then to have a F1 team ‘Force India’ and then to actually have the Indian Grand Prix is an amazing feat. Not only it will do a hell lot of good to our motor sport industry but also add another feather in our achievements in organizing world class sports event. Well played.

But usually all the sports events happen inside stadiums. F1 happens on the race track. Race track is a road. And that road exists in India. And we love our roads so much that we do everything on the road itself. We get married on roads, give birth to babies on the roads, eat on the roads, pee and shit on the roads and live and die on the roads. Heh, though no one will actually hinder the race track, even if it is in India, but I was just trying to imagine the phrase ‘F1, now on Indian Roads.’ For Indians only though, here it goes.


Hello everyone and welcome to Live for coverage of round 17 in the 2011 FIA Formula 1 world championship – the Indian Grand Prix from Buddh International Circuit, Greater Noida, National Capital Region, Uttar Pradesh. We are just about to start the first ever Indian grand prix so the hearts must be pumping. The day is sunny and the atmosphere is roaring, as you expect it is in India and it is hot as a Tandoor on a wedding reception night. As we speak, the pit lane is now open for the drivers to make their reconnaissance* laps to the grid and surprisingly they are not getting arranged themselves on the basis of their monetary status or caste. After all, F1 is neither Tirupati Darshan nor JEE. All the appropriate names, 90% of the Indians don’t even know or care about, have brought themselves to the grid.

Here’s how the grid will line up this afternoon:


Pos            Driver                           Team 

 1.               Sebastian Vettel         Red Bull-Renault

 2.               Lewis Hamilton          McLaren-Mercedes

 3.               Mark Webber             Red Bull-Renault

 4.               Felipe Massa               Ferrari

 5.               Nico Rosberg              Mercedes

 6.               Jaime Alguersuari     Toro Rosso-Ferrari

 7.               Bruno Senna               Renault

 8.               Fernando Alonso       Ferrari

 9.               Sergio Perez                Sauber-Ferrari

10.             Vitaly Petrov               Renault

11.             Sebastien Buemi       Toro Rosso-Ferrari

12.             Kamui Kobayashi       Sauber-Ferrari

13.             Jenson Button            McLaren-Mercedes

14.             Rubens Barrichello   Williams-Cosworth

15.             Adrian Sutil                  Force India-Mercedes

16.             Heikki Kovalainen     Lotus-Renault

17.             Paul di Resta               Force India-Mercedes

18.             Jarno Trulli                  Lotus-Renault

19.             Timo Glock                  Virgin-Cosworth

20.             Jerome D’Ambrosio  Virgin-Cosworth

21.             Pastor Maldonado     Williams-Cosworth

22.             Tonio Liuzzi                 HRT-Cosworth

23.             Daniel Ricciardo         HRT-Cosworth

24.             Michael Schumacher Mercedes


Before we start we would like to thank the ‘India Against Innovation’ people as they stopped their agitation outside the main entrance to the circuit and allowed others to enter, after they were convinced that Force India team cannot have a Driver of Indian origin as the drivers are chosen after much filtering on the basis of their past experience or track records and Sonia Gandhi has nothing to do with it as the drivers are not Italian, rather one Scottish and the other being German.

The crowd has settled on to their seats, though they are still standing clueless but in India, we call it settled. They are standing because F1 Pit Babes have started arriving in their traditional get ups. The temperature which was already touching 40+ has now risen to excruciatingly more. There is loud music running as well which is sounding similar to Dhoom Machale but not sure because the crowd has gone berserk over the girls.

So seems all set and here we start. The 5 red lights have gone out and green marks the race is on. Sensational start to the event as 2 of the cars have been unable to move. We hope those are not Force India, and yes, it is confirmed they are not. Rest all have vroomed away from the sight and we have a splendid race on.

Lap 1

We were just about to reach the first sharp turn but looks like the road has been blocked there. Oh, there seems to be some cows sitting right in between chewing their stuff like they don’t care whether Button is a Button or Schumacher makes shoe. Thanks to the advance breaking technology that saved the cows being hit. Otherwise it would have been a serious issue of Animal Cruelty, that too to a holy animal, and also the driver’s well being, if that matters. After much effort, the authorities have been able to push them beasts of burden off the track. And here we start again. The track now is as straight as non-queer so expect the speeds reaching up to 300. Oh but again, the cars are slowing down. A herd of sheep is crossing the road along with a shepherd. This in turn, will help the cars left behind to cope up and be even with the front runners. Right to equality wins again in India. As the herd has now crossed, we can hear the accelerating engines’ roar again. After the third major turn, there are few dogs, as we have noticed, so it would be interesting to see the driving skills because the dogs themselves will try to evade the running vehicles. Luckily, every car has passed the hazardous area and so have the dogs. The dogs are busy doing something weird on the roadside now but attaching themselves from the behind and we can hear laughter from the crowd as they are enjoying watching the race doggy style.

Oh, one of the cars, while trying to avoid one dog has moved off track towards the pitstop. Anyways, they have decided to take the pitstop early in the lap 1 itself. But they are not being allowed to enter the pitstop as probably a polieman has stopped them. Probably, they have been stopped because the cars are running without number plate, no papers and obviously there is no chance that the driver will have his license with him as there are no pockets in the racing gear. Let them handle it as we move further the lap.

We have reached an important juncture now as there are some hairpin bend turns and dangerous, err, what? Speed breakers? Oh, for the first time, we have speed breakers on the racing track. Probably, this has been done to make the drivers get used to the Indian Roads. Interstingly, there were no humps yesterday when they were trying to win grid and pole positions. As they say, it happens only in India. So again the speed has failed to reach, even double figures if you ask me honestly, and they are now slowing down. Well, the F1 cars’ suspenion is not meant for speed breakers so it will again be interesting to see which make has best shockers.

Now we are closing down to the last portion of the Lap 1. After such an eventful Lap 1, it would be quite a scene to see who completes the lap 1, first. Oh, what? It appears that the track for the last 100 m is no where to be seen. The road looks decprated with ‘PWD at Work’ signs all over and it is still under construction.

With bits and pieces from

Indo Icons fromYudi Adachi.

Inspired from a discussion with friends last night.


* Don’t go into too much detail.


  1. LOL ,before reading the post and after reading the title I was thinking this is some sort of heavy duty ‘importance of promoting new sports kinda post’ but it was phunny:DNicely written 🙂

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