Writing Experiment Lab | Poe's Law Playground
Personal opinion about culture, movies, books.
Sources:
You might have watched the latest Fastrack ads running on TV nowadays. The ads which suggest us to ‘Move on’. The problems with those ads are not that they are asking our society to break shackles of orthodox traditions and culture and simply be a progressive society by moving on (Hilarious!) but that they don’t tell us about the things they are trying to sell via those ads. A normal Indian mind will think of wardrobe, furniture and inflatable houses to be honest and not watches, bags and belts. I wish they had taken model-looking-models at least. Anyways, the point of this blog post is to give an insight on the predicament Indian youths are facing in these times where we are stuck in between the Social Media and the Babu at the Post office. While the Internet has strangled us from all the sides and made us faster, smarter (?) and louder, the post office uncle is still the same chap from 1950s who uses lubrication from Paan he’s chewing to turn pages on our Recurring Deposit (don’t ask why I wrote this) passbooks. And we have to deal with both.
There’s no denying the fact that social networking sites have changed our lives. World has become smaller (you can marry your online mate) and faster (still learning about Bitcoins, more on this later) and transparent (for instance Article 66A). From the ultrasonography pics of yet to be born children to the uncle on the verge of retirement, everyone is online. What if the most popular pages on Facebook like ‘Bahut bhookh lagi hai yaar…’ are run by socially inept people who have never seen daylight or twitter accounts run by Anti-social elements where they crack jokes all the time using puns lamer than lame duck prime minister one particular country in South Asia has, the social media sites have shaken the society from its deep roots. People being people get to share things and voice their opinions which enable us to think forward and stop being a regressive state. The Social media is slowly taking over Mainstream media as well. Which means that newspapers even have the right to publish some tweets under the title Twitterverse (hah) because new age journalists were taught that writing actual news is absolutely boring and when you can copy paste stuff from net, why do anything else like going out on the road and listen to real people and report real life problems! So, people believe in social media and new age journalism and marketing. They do.
But beyond this active, chirpy world in retina and AMOLED display and mesh of LAN cables, there exists a world which you have seen only in real life, that is, the offline world. Yes, that world where you’re made a Kiwi at the instant you try to jump more than you should. Real life happens when you were busy making plans with online mates. Well, the truth my dear friends, is that Twitter and Facebook are majorly nonsensical. Apart from being a matrimonial site, Facebook is mainly a birthday reminder service. Twitter is nothing but an Earthquake alert service. Your outrage on Twitter is waste. Unless you are a jobless chipmunk with > 1368 followers (Well researched number, so please) nobody is going to pay attention. Ok, you’re a girl, then fine, people will listen. While you are trying to arrange a tweetup, your parents are going to tie you up with a suitable match they approved after watching her pic on Facebook. While you were shouting against govt. policies, in real world, govt. has slapped you with newer taxes and increased the price of water as if it was petrol. While you were angry about corruption, you yourself are paying 100 Rupees to the traffic police who caught you without helmet. While you are cribbing about the summer as if it is the first summer which is hot, the met department has promised a normal monsoon this year which translates to ghanta normal monsoon.
Summarizing, we are a generation who have one leg in the traditional India and another in the Internet savvy Bharat, as DJ says, you have to decide where you want to let go your frustrations. I suggest, go offline and play.
I have decided. That I am going to stand by and support Rahul Dravid’s team during this season of IPL 2013 because it is a Rahul Dravid led team. Also, I believe that because of the recent events, Dravid won’t participate voluntarily in the next edition of the cursed cricket tournament. This post is also a long pending tribute to the man himself, Rahul Dravid.
But first, if you haven’t read Sidvee’s post about him after he got retired, cut short reading this and just go there and read it (http://sidveeblogs.wordpress.com/2012/03/09/goodbye-dravid/). Else, continue…
You want to go to a place and you have two options. You can take the shortest route possible and reach within no time. Or you may take a longer route at a slower but steadier pace, savoring the moments of journey and then reach the destination. The route which one takes defines the person, I think. Same goes with life. It is a weird span of time. We all fall into the trap and try to lead a life following a certain dream based upon the expectation of others and set standards of the society. That ambition of ours, to succeed in life where the term success itself is very complex, makes us to crave for milestones and work towards achieving the aim. Everyone tries that, some are able to do it, most don’t. The trick is how you do it. Of course you want to be born in a well-doing family where all the amenities already exist. But some people want a different life. They want to work hard and achieve everything on their own. They toil day and night to learn new tricks. They keep trying till they are perfect in the technique. They live life and not just zoom past it. There are some terms like ‘meticulous’ specially made for those individuals who work towards their dream. They represent the average guys who are born with a certain potential but it can work for them only if they extract the kinetic energy out of it by grilling themselves on a regular basis. They have to better themselves every day or they will lag behind. They are also the responsible and dependable. They know that along the journey, many things will fail around them but they have to keep their cool, keep the concentration intact, keep the blood flowing in their veins and most importantly keep their integrity. They fail yet they keep coming back. They are stubborn. They are called slow, tortoise like but still they complete the journey. The never dwindling will makes them transform their average backbone into tough tortoise like back as if it is some therianthropy. During the journey, they become strong. They become tough, cynic by not getting perturbed by the crumbling and yet optimistic. They resemble a wall. It stays there. Others feel safe around it. Others know that if the wall stays, they are safe and this instills the confidence in them that they can win, even if they are plain average.
Such is Rahul Dravid.
There are innumerable instances where he did what was expected of him. From 96 till last year or so, he kept performing. The belief in Indian cricket came back after the April 2000’s findings. I risked my 2001’s final exams (which happened to be the X Board exams) because he was creating magic with VVS during this http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/current/match/63920.html and I don’t regret it all. He, along with few other names, did his best to take Indian cricket to its heights, thereby making platform for them to win the subsequent No. 1 positions and a few cups in limited over tournaments. He never complained of the over-shadowing because he was just doing his job. We already know the achievements. What makes him stand out more that he is still strong in his will. The integrity is still intact. Now he is not there anymore wearing white kits. Just after he retired, India lost a couple of series with blatant whitewashes. You might not realize directly but the backbone of Indian batting had been taken out, when he retired.
He is now playing, most surely, his last professional cricket, IPL. I am going to miss him so I support him for a couple of matches more. I should. I must.
One billion articles have been written about how IPL is sexist and a capitalist paradise. Nobody wants to say bad things about Rochelle Rao but those cheer girls (same set of girls everyday!) dancing in SET Max studio are of no use to the game of Cricket and also because of another gentleman named Siddhu already present in the same room to distract the viewer from the girls is already a menace we are being subjected to. Another billion articles have been written over Hansie Cronje’s life and other match fixing scandals surfaced a decade ago. Poor Gibbs still avoids coming to India and tries to remain unsold at the IPL Auction every time. (He doesn’t know about the OLX ad as far as I know). One more billion articles are being written about the spot fixing catastrophe which has embarked upon the team of Rajasthan Royals today. Consider this article as One Billion and oneth.
Consider, you’re sitting at your home at night listening to Saliva’s ‘Lades and Gentleman‘ and electricity gets cut, thanks to 2 namesake drops of rain. It becomes all dark (IPL match starts). Now even if nothing is visible (not a Test Match kind of genuine Cricket format but still…), you still know where to go (all your favorite players are there) and get emergency light (which are never charged by the way) or candles (quickfire sure shot excitement of T20). You know that on the way you will have to evade furniture to avoid getting hurt (meager faint-ish chances of matches being rigged) and you actually do cover your ground with great success (reaching play offs). But just before you reach the destination, the smallest toe of your right leg (Sreesanth) hits the bottom most corner of the dining table (spot fixing) and you utter a sister-related swear word (Kohli’s catchphrase) under your breath, trying to hold your tears from coming out because of immense pain you have to bear. This feeling is like that. Moreover, when 2 more names of Chandila and Chavan came up, it felt like something hot being pressed on the same little toe which was subjected to pain in the last sentence.
I am devastated beyond repair. Why this? Why this now? Why Rajasthan Royals? Agreed they are the poorest IPL team of the lot but being poor is not a legit reason to indulge in bribery and all. Even if they may be the poorest franchise but their poorest player still earn more than me. Some people have to be on bench, Sir, I also have to be on bench (IT company policies). If it had been some other team, I would have at least taken it as a sour burp and moved on. I am like that. But it is bloody Rajasthan Royals. The Royals for which I am rooting, hooting, shouting, modulating BP, changing DP and cheering for the last 6 years. The Royals which have their fortress mere 2.8 KM from my actual home. The team which has no Rajasthani players (who cares) but their captain as the most gentleman cricketer of my era Rahul Sharad Dravid. Also, its ex-captain was the most playboy cricketer of my era Shane Keith Warne. You know, cheering for the team which is least expected to win, the underdogs is an absolute joy when it comes to Sports. Also, trash talking about the genuinely deserving team nobody likes like CSK is also fun. Rajasthan Royals is the poor hero (while IPL Cup being the rich heroine) which you want to do good. You want the poor guy to beat the hell out of strong Shetty and Delhi Ganesh kind of villains (pun intended) and their right hands (other useless teams like Pune Warriors India). If the poor guy himself gets corrupted, where will be any room for optimism then? Further saddening part is that the IPL and in general Cricket haters (read unpatriotic Indians) keep poking you about the recent turn of events and embarrass you more than you were embarrassed after JEE. That is where the pain becomes unbearable. The most shameful day of my IPL viewing career.
I know Sidin Vadukut is not showing as much drama as I am showing but Sreesanth and Sidin were like conjoined Siamese twins as far as IPL was concerned. Thanks to his Dork series, the rapport with Malayali humor people like these two had only improved. Disgusted and ashamed now. I can feel for you Sidin, I sincerely do.
On a serious note, watching a person of stature like Rahul Dravid defending his team in IPL Rajasthan Royals is one of the saddest moment I have seen on TV. I almost had tears in my eyes, well almost. Genuinely saying. Now question is where we go from this. Should I keep my support intact for RR for the playoffs and see Watson beating the hell out of Pollard? Sigh. Tough call, let me think over it and revert.
At least WWE is openly calling itself as Entertainment. Have some shame yar!
P.S.: Listening to ‘Sun Raha Hai Na Tu’ song from Aashiqui 2. Fitting.
Let us suppose that you are a sane and sophisticated kind of gentleman (or gentle lady or at least gentle). Now suppose that you’re in an office which is very Indian type in nature where the Internet access is managed by an IT Admin team. You want to check a certain website which will help you to learn more about the work you are dealing with. You want to type Oracle but end up typing Racle*. Now this happens, all of a sudden:
A new blue/black/Eye-Blinding-White page pops up with a text which shouts:
Message:
CONTENT BLOCKED.
HOW COULD YOU OPEN THIS, YOU FOOL? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT CATEGORY THIS SITE BELONGS TO? YOU’RE AN IDIOT OF FIRST DEGREE AND WE HAVE NOTED DOWN YOUR EMPLOYEE ID AND NAME. HAHA. OPEN THIS SITE ONE MORE TIME AND THEN YOU SEE, HOW WE WOULD DRAG YOUR CARCASS OUT OF THE OFFICE, PULLING YOU FROM TIE-END AND INSULT YOUR GENERATIONS AS BONUS. HOW DARE YOU…
Reason:
THIS WEBSITE IS BLOCKED YOU DOUCHE! YOU KNOW WHAT BLOCKED MEANS? IT MEANS YOU CANNOT OPEN THIS HERE. LOLZ VIA QWUT! GO TO YOUR HOME AND TRY THIS YOU PERVERT.
URL:
This is like the guy in the ad where he enacts an Air Conditioner and gets southpaw-ed when electricity turns back on all of a sudden. Or you are sitting on a peaceful protest near India Gate and suddenly you feel a rib-tickling sensation thanks to Police Lathi which suddenly hits you again at the same spot with the intensity of a Gayle six. You poor fellow didn’t even know that you had just made a typo in the address bar. These blocked-stuff messages are written in such polite language which is as smooth as Sandpaper is. While they could have simply said that Sir, may be you are trying to open a site which is deemed inappropriate in office environment. Kindly recheck the spelling and proceed. Or aww, what are you trying to open mister 😉 Please, please understand that you are in office. Opening such stuff will only attract eyeballs so just work and avoid such scenes no?
Telling from personal experience of (not mine but) many of my very gentlemanly friends, utmost care should be taken to type anything using your office keyboard. Office, nowadays follow strict policies which prohibit you to even think any URL which is not safe at work. Still, if you deliberately want to view some pictures to feel refreshed, only a disconnected LAN Cable can save you. While I am not telling you my personal views about what should you type and watch, but this watching business is a very serious business. While it is still OK to go through such recreational stuff in places of lesser importance such as legislative assembly, it is strictly banned to ever utter those keywords in offices. Surfing such websites, watching videos or pictures or even reading ‘NSFW’ text might land you into trouble and it could even lead to termination, with insult and embarrassment guaranteed. Even if you are reading stuff related to Yoga, even that might be ‘ZOMG, LOOK AT HIM, WHAT IS HE WATCHING! ARREST HIM!’ level offensive for some people in office. Policies related to harassment at workplace are cool like that. When even movie channels which show subtitles change ‘Damn’ to ‘Darn’ and ‘Shit’ to ‘Stuff’ and blur Katrina Kaif flashing a chilam, office IT admins should take matter into their own hands, isn’t it?
Now when corporates have taken the ‘sustainable’ initiative, why should the government lag behind? Recently one flying news snippet of government trying to check and control the growing number of inappropriate content websites came online, Internet users took it very seriously. While government was just worried that websites showcasing child abuse and obscene stuff should be brought under the radar, people on Twitter interpreted as if the government is planning to ban such stuff from view, storing, sharing and of course, making. Some people were so afraid to hear this that they hid their Hard disks and CD/DVDs under the ground while others were so offended that they decided to watch whatever they could before it would become illegal.
So kindly behave and avoid such scenes in the office at least. Cleaning history and all won’t help.
P.S.: In engineering colleges, your ‘net’ worth is often measured by the amount of ‘stuff’ you have in your ‘kitty’ but you cannot remain popular following the same strategy anymore. You are not Sachin Tendulkar, please.
* Don’t bother, I have checked that now Racle has been brought down but it was a blocked site in 2010 April surely.
People who are familiar with TV advertisements of 1990s and 2000s might have seen the Raymond’s advertisement where the tagline used to be “The Complete Man”. That tagline has faded now because kids back then used it a lot to make joke about transgenders. Making jokes about them is a complete no-no nowadays. But the phrase ‘The Complete Man’ stayed in mind and turned out to be very much mind-boggling. What is a complete man? What is complete in first place? What traits should a man have which make him complete? Moderately tall physique with slightly fairer than the 3rd level of skin complexion (as measured on Fair & Handsome crème’s fairness meter), highly refined voice with an apt frequency of 1.75 words delivered in a second which can be understood by only those who pay attention or a highly successful career as a Colony level acclaimed sportsperson (Cricket, Football, Hockey, Golf and Badminton) during late 90s and early 2000s are some of the criteria which define an almost complete man. Dimple optional. Enough about me, but still it takes a lot more to be complete.
Before you try to imitate any of the above given features, you must remember the most important trait a complete man has. That is to respect women. Although it is the easiest but still nobody follows this simple rule. Not even I. Err, don’t throw eggs, wait let me explain. In spite of all the good qualities I claim to have, one thing which kept me thinking for some time made me write this.
I travel to my office in a Bangalore metropolitan transport corporation city bus. The office is around 15 KMs from my place and thanks to the dependence on traffic conditions, it can take around 25-75 minutes to reach the destination. So when I say, I will be there in 10 minutes, don’t believe me. Now, the bus has a capacity of, umm, err, say 60 seats, about 20 of them are reserved. 15 reserved for women and 5 for Differently abled people. If you travel in the non-ac BTMC buses, you will find that usually no men occupy the reserved seats. Point to note is that the non-ac buses are mostly used by those people who cannot afford Auto Rickshaw. Frankly, nobody can afford Auto Rickshaw without leasing out your kidneys but still, those are Not-So-Rich class people. So those not-so-rich people do understand that some seats are reserved for women so they better get seated at the rear side general area. However, the Volvo AC Bus, which is usually used by those who are willing to shed some money in order to get the comfort and speed, are not that intelligent enough. People travelling in Volvo grab any seat they find, leaving a lot of ladies standing. Now, before you grab my collar and punch my jaw out, let me clarify that I don’t sit on the reserved seats. I usually go back and find a seat at the back side of the bus, and if there isn’t any, I keep standing.
Now consider the scenario which makes me an almost but not yet complete man. Suppose all the reserved seats are full and there is only 1 seat left vacant in the general area of the bus. Still there is one lady (lady means elder than me in general sense here) and I are in the bus without the seats and we both have equal opportunities to grab that seat. In this predicament, I let the lady to get the seat. Now am I the complete man? No because consider a scenario further.
Suppose there are no seats left in the bus and then a lady boards the bus. Do I get up and offer her the seat? Unless the lady is at least double my age and I am not considerably fresh and alive, I don’t. I had logic for this which has now shattered like career of Boxer Vijendra Singh. I used to think that in a city like Bangalore, both men and women get equal opportunities and earn almost the same (I hope). Also, as I have seen in the office, apart from the gossips about affairs and clothes (haha joking), women work equal to what men do. So, since we both are equals, there is no point in me standing up for a woman in a Volvo AC bus or any bus for that matter for any rich poor class. Just there, I missed my opportunity to be the complete man. My logic falls flat on its face when I realize that a woman’s work doesn’t stop in office alone. Not only she faces the same ordeal a man has to go travelling to and fro from office to home and working for 9 hours, but she also has to take care of the house. And, before you again grab my collar bone (as you already tore my collar off in the Para above) and break my nose, when I say she has to take of the house, is that usually she is the home maker, as she can manage the house in a better way. She has to manage the maids, the cooks, the cleanliness, the kids (if any) and other stuff like spending time on make-up. She does double the work a man does because men just reach home, jump on the sofa and start watching TV while the lady brings him water (talking about my future, heh). Hey, don’t grab me again, I am talking about 21st century only. So, all in all, a woman who is standing in the bus, trying to get a seat deserves more than I do. Be it a woman of any age, she still does more work after going home than an average guy does. <b>And hence, I should always offer her (girl, woman, aunty) the seat</b>. Unless of course, she is not interested in sitting at on the rear side amongst the company of men.
From now on, I expect myself to follow this simple principle and try to be a complete man from now on. Let’s see.
I hope you are doing great. Although, I have never known your birthdate but I am sure you won’t mind if I ask you to convey my best wishes to Mr. Sachin Tendulkar on his 40th birthday. I wish the best for him and your whole family, always.
Well, sometime ago (http://abloquacitylab.wordpress.com/2012/02/21/dear-dr-anjali-why-sachin-should-not-retire-now), I had asked you to tell Mr. Sachin Tendulkar to not to retire. Thank you for paying heed to that request (of course you didn’t read this but sometimes thoughts travel out of thin air). At that time he was on 99 centuries. Now such a benchmark is irrelevant. Everything has been achieved. 100 International Centuries spanning over a period of 24 years of representing India. No words are there to describe this immensely huge contribution to the service of our cricketing nation. Now, the question is what’s next? I know you two must have talked it through, therefore, Mr. Sachin hasn’t formally announced yet but could it be that his last International appearance in India is already over? I hope not. The next series in which we can see him again will be in South Africa later this year and very late next year in India. I would just like to mention few things on his birthday which you might or might not find useful. But I still say them as a life-long-fan.
I believe that there are a few major things which act as the adhesive to keep India as one country. Cricket is one of them and Sachin Tendulkar is one of the most important elements in that adhesive. At least for my generation, who were born in the 80s, he is inseparable from life. All our lives as Cricket fans, majority of our discussions revolved around his score. Whether it was the praises or small bit of criticism of the team’s over dependency on his broad shoulders, it all emerged out of Sachin’s runs. Sachin hitting Michael Kasprowicz, Damien Flemming and Shane Warne over their heads and fetching us win Sharjah in 1998 is a small gif etched on our minds. Tony Greig damaging his vocal chords over Sasheen Tendoolkaaa still echoes inside our ears. For me, if I draw analogies to compare India as a country with Indian Cricket Team, if Ganguly was the much needed aggression to succeed, Dravid was the faith and belief in our abilities that we can do well, Sachin Tendulkar has always been the optimism that one day, we shall dominate the world because we deserve to.
How impactful Sachin is, we all know but still I would like to share one small incident. Although it had happened when Sehwag hit his double ton once, but again, Sachin was batting in Dhaka, and was about to reach the 100th 100. In my office, work was going on as usual and the volume of the floor chirping, discussing, on call, was relatively low. Also, almost 80% of the people were hooked to one tab of Cricinfo. All of a sudden, as he reached the 100th 100, the floor erupted. Everyone started clapping and those who didn’t know what the hell happened, were left clueless. The clapping continued for 2 minutes and gradually it slowed down and everyone started working again. This is a small impact he has created in our lives.
Now, the thing I would like to mention is the rise of the haters. We Indians love to hate anything and everything. The growing voices asking him to retire have become louder. People have drowned to such embarrassing levels that they have started to doubt his batting. Those people who don’t even know a thing about Cricket, call him selfish and all. This feels a bit like how Gandhi’s name is treated by people in present times. While people were all in praise for Gandhi Ji all along, but now there are certain groups who are quite vocal and critic of Gandhi’s policies. They put up arguments such as ‘what if’ Gandhi ji had not chosen Nehru over Patel. This has caused some unaware people to have a bit of mistrust and hate for Gandhi ji. Similarly, over the years, Sachin Tendulkar might also have to face this music. I hope he doesn’t let this happen. I hope you don’t let this happen. People have hated Dhoni after he won as 2 World Cups and getting us numero uno position in both ODIs and Test as well, so it is usual Indian mentality.
Second, I would like to say Sorry. Through my tweets, Facebook statuses and Quora questions, I have asked questions against him not retiring. My point was never to doubt his sincere efforts. I just want to be sarcastic with those who blame Sachin for India’s inability to win some matches. I simply don’t hold any authority to even suggest him about retirement. As a fan, I would always like to see him on the strike, hitting the straight drive which enhances the blood on my face’s veins because of non-stop smiling. So, I sincerely apologize for even uttering the word ‘Retirement’ for your husband. I’ll give my letter much needed rest, after all he knows best.
Wishing him many glorious years ahead in life. All the best to your family. I hear Arjun is also doing well. Well, I reserve my opinion about what people might say about him being the next to get India cap, I just wish him the best in whatever he chooses to be.
Thanks for reading.
AB
