Axe and Tree

There was once a confident but a fruitless tree
it kept swaying lightly, often with glee
Leaves were scanty and shade was small
Still it could give relief to one and all
Filtered the sunlight and made Sun more soothing
Travelers could take shelter and indulge in snoozing
Branches were short but when it rained
you could wait there, it didn’t much pain.

Tree wasn’t exceptional as it did what all others did too
It’s the basic job of the tree to see everyone through
It started boasting occasionally and carry an ego of its own
Trees around liked it anyways, for it, they had themselves sown
The ego however was growing more like a balloon
It had started to believe that it deserved much more swoon
But they wanted the tree to be more useful in another way
They wanted it to be eventually furniture-d away.

It’s the fate of the tree to be used for making a table
If you can’t give flowers, be a chair, it’s in the fable
But it had now become selfish and also quite stubborn
And acted like it could lead life on its own terms
Although, it was aware of its size and visible shortcomings
It still acted casual and was conscious of the jeers forthcoming
With time, gleaming leaves started falling, it started to concur
Other trees started showed anger, it’s time, stop being a wanker.

This poem is not at all related to the Biblical Luke 13:6
which talks of a non-fruitful tree which had gotten into Jesus’ fix
Destined it is though, that the tree had to eventually give in
It said you can cut one one branch at a time and let it sink in
They agreed and called a Lumberjack to do the due
Tree didn’t know of how much pain the Axe will spew
So an axe falls, other trees rejoice and a branch dismembers
Time goes on, we live and die, the axe forgets but the tree remembers…

Shoot The Messenger

Circa 326 BC.

One of the BSFOKP (Border Security Force of King Porus of Punjab) soldier saw a huge army marching towards them. It was an usual scene to have thousands of armed Europeans in a pugnacious mood coming towards their holy land. Without wasting time, he got off from his post and ran to tell his seniors about the imminent attack. The seniors brushed him off as lunatic and asked him to get his eyes checked. However, the senior was a smart man as he thought if the soldier was right, and if he himself tell the army chief about it, he might get some raise in salary from the King himself. Taking pride in knowing the exclusive news, he went to the Army Chief, coincidentally, the chief was having a chit chat with King while strolling around. With a bit of hesitation, he told them about the news of an army approaching them so it was only wise to start preparing for defense and if possible, preemptive offense to surprise them. King laughed at such presumption and told him ‘Fool, Europeans won’t attack us! We have good relations with the travelers from their land. How dare you broke the peaceful stroll we were taking! Dear Army chief, kindly do the honor of killing this nincompoop right away for bringing this stupid news’. And the army chief instantly, drew his sword and killed the messenger.

After some centuries, around 700s, similar message was brought to the erstwhile ruler of Delhi that some folks from central Asia were planning to loot and plunder us. Again, the messenger was dealt with force and was sent to be fed to a Lion.

Again after few more centuries, some European sailors reached India’s west coast and fooled the natives. Those who warned the then rulers about probable wrong intentions of the sailors were either killed off or declared mentally ill.

Basically, we have always had the tradition of killing the messenger and ignoring the facts which stare at us. Starting from Ravana trying to set Hanuman on fire, as tweeted by @GhantaGuy in response to my tweet.

Obviously, I am not serious about the above incidents, however, I am pretty serious about the following. Our traditions of shooting the messenger will be catastrophic I feel. Just yesterday, the BBC Documentary, was aired in UK and then uploaded on Youtube today morning. While the govt. of India has ‘advised’ news channels in India to not to show it, because it was made, ‘illegally’. Ok, let us believe that government believes that the documentary should have been made with proper permissions and it could have been shown to the ‘censor board’ before broadcasting.

But, what is the bigger and important issue here. Rapes. And not how the accused was interviewed. Yes, making a film illegally is bad and almost criminal, but we can deal with it later too, no? Now, when the YouTube link has been shared wide and across, can you stop people from watching it? Apart from being a Pakistan or North Korea, you cannot bring down YouTube. So, your cause is anyways lost dear Govt.

Coming back to the original issue. The Documentary is well made, although it just relives the same thing, which was told in Late 2012 and next few months of next year. The documentary also shows the point of views of the lawyers who are more sick then the perpetrators. So, larger issue was the mindset we as a society have. The rape did happen in India, so we have to take it with a pinch of salt. No, it doesn’t paint all Indian men with same brush. But that brush is quite big and it does leave stains on almost everyone of us in the society. So, what’s wrong in that? When you can blame all muslims for terror, all Hindus for dowry/casteism, etc, if Men in India face ire of the world as being a rapist, we cannot get away with that easily. Of course, rape happens in other countries too, but we cannot get away from the brutality of this case and we have to bear a bit of brunt.

Sorry OpIndia (http://www.opindia.com/2015/03/the-legal-violations-by-the-indias-daughter-documentary/) and Arnab Goswami, Nirbhaya or whatever you call her, isn’t insulted with this ‘illegal’ documentary but rather when the major issue gets sidelined with petty issues like worrying about the technicalities of the documentary.

In my humble and honest opinion, I feel, our problem, as a country, has been, since time immemorial, that we like to shoot the messenger instead of understanding the problem, the messenger has conveyed. And this has time and again happened. Banning doesn’t solve anything. The need to ban stuff needs to be taken care of.

I guess, we can take this opportunity to learn from this documentary and try to improve our personal mindsets. Not all are guilty but contemplating about what is wrong in our society, even if told by a foreigner, will do only good. Those who think that a girl asks for it, think again, no?

P.S.: And what nonsense is calling the girl ‘Nirbhaya’. She has a name dammit.

Take offence, but politely

If I might, let me throw some light, from my side on this issue on our mind, far and wide, You may or may not take my bite into your stride, however I may add, this fad, kind of bad, is here to stay anyways till we realize that mostly all kinds of freedoms, come with a price. Nice? Read on but if you are looking for any surprise, there is none but you are already wise. This is about Freedom of Expression, an Utopian feeling which always stays in contention. While we act all up for that ‘FoE’ but it makes people less friendly and more our foe. Most of us, are anyways hypocritical and thus, we want our liberty all the while, while we ourselves stay in denial. That all is well and we shall raise our voice, as long as our havens stay safe and our steps have poise. The jokes you laugh at and you laugh at quite a few, work only when they are not on you. Your tantrums are pretty well known, you get offended on calling you anything, now please don’t moan or groan as you look to me as a person who is a grown up. Any joke made in haste, are often not in a good taste, but waste is your opinion or any reason on it, as someone else is getting splits because of it or may be even fits, if it fits.

Here’s my take on Freedom of Speech:

If you decide to create some content (in any form be it written, spoken or drawn) which doesn’t coincide with the usual[1] norms of the society, you are bound to get applause as well as hate. There will be many who will praise your ‘crossing the boundary’ and ‘pushing and kicking the envelope’. There will be many who won’t like it. You may claim that it is your freedom of speech and right to express (be it crass, vulgar and downright abusive or wonderfully created satire with wit and bit of double entendre which many aren’t capable of because it requires more effort). Now when you have right to express something (and serve it as comedy? Heh it is not funny though), you should expect retaliation and criticism of your work. It should[2] range from straight faced ridicule of the content and call it non-funny and not-so-awesome-as-people-claim to laughing it off as totally nonsense and in some cases getting very angry over it being non-funny and not-so-awesome-as-people-claim. This Anger[3] can sometime lead to people lodging complaints against you using the democratic way of using some Indian Penal Code law citing that your content hurt their feelings. Or, more importantly, it was not suitable to be shown in public. But, there will be a fringe group[4] which think they are beyond law and take it as their utmost duty to silence the creator by use of fear and may be violence.

While I am 100% totally against these fringe moral brigade who think this is damaging our culture[5], the other non-violent people who got offended have full right to be offended and lodge a complaint with the police. Now here comes the question of whether they are so offended that they got up, went to a police station and actually complained because someone created some content which they didn’t like. Unfortunately, we people do have such people. And they are in plenty. Their LinkedIn bio boasts of skills like Joblessness, Ability to take offense at almost anything, knowledge of IPC laws (appreciable) and free time.

So when you create something and people get offended, you should STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHT TO SAY STUFF and not delete the content out of fear while you yourself admit that nobody threatened you. If you are shutting down shop without giving a fight to the people who take your stuff to heart (and possibly to their grave or pyre), what is the point of pushing the envelope? Was that just a way to get quick publicity and establish brand name? The brand name which creates less intelligent stuff (some stuff is really very witty and definitely more intelligent than I can ever make) and more of crass, cuss word usage which can make you popular faster as compared to the other harder way for making it to the top by pure satire.

Then there are people who condescend you since you didn’t like the Roast. Well, to be fair to them, I need not waste any space of this blog, except this line, on them. 😛

One more thing… I want Freedom of Speech to be Absolute. But it is not possible. You cannot ever have consensus on everything, all the time. I am not being pessimistic, I am being realistic. In a country like ours which is so divided on so many lines, circles and triangles, it is next to impossible to agree on everything. The laws which currently exist, do exist because govt. can only be preventive. It cannot ensure your safety from violence all the time. This is a fact and you should know it. Plus, I also believe that our society is evolving, getting more open minded and it will surely be able to be more tolerant. Still, even after hundreds of years from now, someone somewhere will continue to feel bad because of you. If not anything, sometimes people’s faces or dressing styles can be offensive. Like someone getting their name’s embroidery all over their suit. So offensive I tell you. There is certainly a scope of getting our laws fairer. And making them more understandable and less fearful for cases like FoE. But I reiterate, the laws are for preventing bad things to happen. And if I recount human history, people have got offended usually on the basis of speeches and waged wars and what not.

That is all.

[1] Usual here means what most people are comfortable with and have accepted as normal. This again depends on context, place and mood.

[2] But in realistic scenario, it isn’t.

[3] We have a huge population so people who get angry in our country are in huge numbers as well.

[4] Totally jobless idiotic guys with no sense of humor at all. Not even sense of humor, but no respect to the law and order situation, or respect to anyone’s human right. Totally unwanted scum of the Earth and fully deserving to be sent to Kalapani for their whole life where they could mate with each other and overpopulate the islands and die of starvation. Or become Zombies, whatever and get extinct.

[5] Doesn’t exist. Please go and find a different country.

P.S: I am not at all fond of AIB sort of comedy. I find those guys ugly. Of course they are funny but I cannot watch them or hear them, in fear of getting totally bored. May be this is my confirmation bias speaking against them. But that’s how it works, right!

P.S.S: I got so much bored of this issue that I wrote another useless rhyme: http://toomuchgraphic.tumblr.com/post/109964186359/a-good-rhyme-nay

Roundup 2014

Well, 2014 is over before you could even spell it out. It got over as quickly as your weekends get over if you sleep a little extra. Here’s my round up of 2014 just for the sake of documenting my life for future biography and also for blogging’s sake which I am continuing since last 7 years or so (Don’t know why).

I know you weren’t able to follow through on your resolutions, as always and same way, 2014 was quite an eventful year for me as well. I ticked off a few things from my bucket list as completed and deleted (moved into Sour Grapes Category) a few. Putting them into bullet points to make the post look longer and more readable:

  • Things like buying a motorcycle and getting a new job in a company which was my favorite company during a particular week in 2005 (since I am working here now, masha-allah, it still is) was successfully accomplished. This sounds like very archaic but it is not.
  • Apart from the usual yada yada, we all became more Cynical (High 5! Wait no, Low 5!), gained some more weight and pissed off more people than getting pissed off by.
  • I also got into Twitter debates (Yes, this was the all-important polarizing, divisive election year so I have made it large finally but still as a faileb) and got called names, one of which rhymes with the phrase ‘ You are so Cute yeah!’.
  • Got my name published in some newspaper/website for posters (again), which is a surprisingly good thing that it is still going on like 2012.
  • Got into the act of hitting and getting hit on to reassure my belief that I am still a human. (Who was the idiot who devised this act of flirting to be called as Hitting? Weird.)
  • Talking of the point above, I did manage to ruffle some feathers by not giving in to the process of spamming FB with photos of weddings and honeymoons. Yet. So you still have a chance. But you had this chance for years, no? Useless fellows.
  • Although, I couldn’t go on any world tour because of my busy schedule of sleeping on weekends (what have I become!), but I did sneak a 2 day weekend visit to Pondicherry, which was a good pleasant time and gave me a lot of pics to Instagram.
  • Also, I met Sidin Vadukut (who doesn’t want to meet him and ask about Whale joke, which I did ask BTW) at Bangalore Literature Festival. Also, I attended a concert by Shreya Ghoshal which I left midway because it was dinner time while she was singing and everyone knows what our priorities are. I met many other Twitter/Blogger friends too and got into lovely chit chat which could have gone for hours and hours but that can happen some other time too.
  • Talking of dinner, I am giving up all my hopes on Vegetarian food. Man, can’t we think of anything else than Paneer. I am fed up of Paneer. Seriously you guys. Potato which used to be my favorite food item on Earth, is being seriously under-used in this part of the world and mostly my household.
  • I am bored of Acche Din, already. I mean, whatever Govt. is doing good, that would not show results in at least 2 years. And whatever Govt. is doing bad, like not shutting up so-called-Nationalists is getting more attention. And, fed up of seeing Mr. Narendra Modi on TV, Newspaper, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Radio, Roads, etc all the time.
  • I am not going to promise myself the same thing I am promising myself since these last 7 years to blog and write more but I will just say that I will try…

This sums up the year 2014 for me. Let’s see what 2015 brings!

Please Like my Baby

Please like my baby for my baby is so cute,
Look at its* cho-chweet cheeks, and at its tiny snoot…
How cuddly it is, so plump and fluffy, don’t you think so?
So adorable no? The eyes, don’t you think they glow?
The sound it makes, gagagogo gulp, isn’t that music to your ear,
It might be difficult to decipher for you, should I translate to make it clear?

Hey like my baby alright, don’t like it more than necessary…
Although, I’ve applied kala tika protection but I’m wary to keep evils at bay,
No no, don’t ever dare to make that annoyed face, for my baby is a dude,
Doesn’t matter if it wets your lap, don’t complain, no, it’s rude…
How dare you showed discomfort on the running nose of my baby…
Even if it drools more than its weight, why are you going so crazy,

Are you jealous that it is my baby and yours are going down the drain,
You have to like mine on all social media even if it inflicts any pain…
Yes, you are a nobody, what you know you dumbo, still I need your approval,
I’m going to send my baby to this baby beauty contest, if I don’t someone else will…
Do you realize how important is it, to get these social media validations…
Baby will need them in school admission and other important certifications,

I’ve changed my DP to my baby’s pics to show my honesty and intimacy…
Why should I fear, when it grows old, it will take care of its own privacy,
So praise it now and then, please like my baby for my baby is so cute,
It’s an opportunity for you to prove your friendliness, O’ my friend so astute,
Do like the pic where the baby is asleep with father/mother, that’s the pic with the juice…
Yes, do the job you have been asked to do as baby is the best thing we could (re)produce.

(* Using its because we don’t differentiate between boy and girl child on this blog)

P.S.: I thought I am going to offend many people with this post but nobody is going to read this anyway so I am safe. I hope.

Selective Fanhood

X is a great artist doing impeccable service to the art X excels in.

X is an alcoholic and also abuses people.

Some people still love X for the class and others hate X for the crass.

(Solve for X. hehe. Don’t don’t. It’s OK.)

How we filter out certain qualities of people to like or hate them is amazing! We can ignore all bad qualities of someone who does something we like and we ignore all good qualities of someone whom we love to hate. For example, Salman Khan. Some die-hard fans completely ignore the sub-judice cases he is fighting in cases ongoing from more than a decade which involve some deprived humans and animals of National Importance dying. For them, he is the role-model whose dialogue deliveries without a shirt on give more pleasure to people than people mocking him for the same. Another example, Steve Jobs, who was a great visionary who changed the face of technology people use. But he was also a ruthless eccentric individual who was expelled from his own company and he sometimes treated his subordinates with utmost disrespect. There are actors who have divorced more number of times than they do movies per year and we have scattered on both sides of spectrum opinions for them based on our biases. They have their personal lives and their profession should be separate. They full right to do whatever they want but where’s the boundary over which we as fans need to decide whether we should peep into the hole or not.

Now since we are on the Internet, let’s insert Godwin’s Law into our discussion. What if I were a fan of Hitler’s paintings and had no connection whatsoever to the holocaust on any level? Although this analogy is very far fetched (as many others when Godwin’s law is invoked), not caring for the death of 6 million people is insanity but when does love for some artists override the other crimes/immoral/unethical stuff they do. We love our rock bands when we know that half of the time they are neck deep doped. We love Eminem even when we know what lyrics his songs contain. How was Indira Gandhi back to power after the debacle of Emergency? How has Modi’s fanbase exponentially risen now, although we all know that 2002 shames us again and again? How can we put a blind eye to certain events and rejoice over others? How can we relish 100 Rs. Ice-cream at a parlour and ignore the wailing beggar just outside.

I was in Hyderabad for few months and didn’t hear anything bad about Ramalinga Raju even when for me, it was a huge setback personally which costed me almost 2 years professionally. Just because he gave employment to many people there.

When we all follow double standards, and we all do no matter what we claim, the act of being on a higher ground morally based on our personal biases is a proof that we all are, bigots.

Science of Abusing

Ever wondered why most of the abuses which usually everyone (across the world) uses on a daily basis are generally based around females or feminine parts?

For example: A couple of nights ago, I watched a recently released Hindi movie ‘Mardaani’ which is a Hindi word translated to English meaning ‘Masculine’. The protagonist is a female police officer and it’s about girl child trafficking who’s kingpin eventually gets busted by the lady officer. The most commonly used abuse in the movie, produced by someone who usually make lovey dovey movies, to make it look more ‘realistic’ is ‘Chutiya’ and its variants. This word, which is not even considered an abuse at many places in India, literally means someone who has female genital. So, in short, the movie which has a masculine name to show that the protagonist is a fearless and brave woman (like men usually are) uses the word which in itself derogatory for women (meaning weak and fragile like womenfolk usually are). According to many people, that is.

Almost every abuse you come across has to do something with a female. Even if a guy is a total sonofabitch, it’s his mother’s mistake apparently or politely you may say upbringing and that is solely mother’s responsibility because men don’t. If a guy does something ordinary or extra-ordinary or does nothing at all, people react usually by congratulating the sister. And surprisingly not only men use these abuses, many females use them as well. It is similar to showing off oneself as cool by smoking a cigarette. Now since prices have increased, only other way to show coolness is by abusing.

I was meaning to understand the logic behind this human tradition. Just putting up some questions without answers in this post:

  • Is it just a ploy to keep them under the thumb forever by keep making them feel inferior?
  • Is it just a way to make men feel guilty of their existence if they do anything remotely feminine, say crying?
  • Do people feel relieved after they abuse? Personally, only to a certain extent but never fully satisfied. Because probably I like to punch instead of abuse. But you cannot punch yourself always after a certain number of times, no?
  • Is it part of human genome to abuse to let go of stress? If yes, why not abuse a stone? Why only concentrate hatred on women?
  • What did women do to become a favorite in the abuse business? Who decided these rules of society where women cannot do certain things (Like burping (Remember Queen?))? And if they do, all hells break loose.
  • Calling a man a woman or a donkey or whatever, how does that matter?
  • What is the science behind it?
  • Why do people laugh when they hear abuses? It is not as taboo as other things. It doesn’t require much of an effort.

And so on…