August 2011 – Abhinav Bhatt

Dear Photographers To Be

This is a closed letter. Only people who like to click pictures should read this. This is strictly for those who have a Facebook album called ‘Random’. Exactly written for those kind of people who call themselves anything from Newbies to Rookies to Amateur and, after a while, even Professionals. Totally cool. This is for those kind of people who usually go and small friendly trips and each trip, the person has gone to, has at least one picture of 5 toes pointing towards each other.

Yep, like that. In case the person went alone, clicking toes of self is also allowed. If the person went to a beach, name written on the sand is also acceptable.

This post is meant for people who click their shadows.

Cute no?

This is for those people who like to click their own pictures. They deserve standing ovation because they go 1 step ahead in creativity and click themselves in mirror. Clicking their own reflection is not only creative but also profoud. Clicking self-pictures from their mobile phones from a distance of a feet or so is also a task people who read this post like doing. So I guess you are getting what I am trying to tell here.

See, you people must have been told or taunted that you don’t deserve to be called as a Photographer. Wrong. Totally. See, if your parents or you yourself were able to afford to buy a P&S or a DSLR, you should be proud. Even if you carry a VGA camera mobile phone, it doesn’t make you downgraded or downtrodden by any means. What matters is that you like to click. What matter is that you at least try to be creative. What matters is that you had the audacity to do what your mind told you to do. Clicking anything or everything is fine. All big photographers started like you did. Nobody started clicking sunsets all of a sudden. They first clicked Dead Cockroach on their staircases and only then they moved on to other subjects. You know what subjects mean no? You can always Google about Photography, no shame in it.

This was alive when I clicked. Yes, you can tell your grandkids the stories of my bravery. C’mon sit down sit down, it was just a cockroach fellow.

See, you don’t need to be bogged down by people who challenge your creativity. Everyone is creative in their own way. You like to click pictures. You have all the right to do it. Share it on Facebook, Flickr, Instagram wherever you wish to. Peole may like it or hate it. But they have no damn right to discourage you. They may write long blog posts about people who claim to be photographers but aren’t. Who are they to judge you? If you have a camera, flaunt it. Flash and flash hard. No pun. Seriously, just click what your heart says.

And by the way, Happy World Photography Day. (http://www.worldphotoday.org/)

P.S.: Click click and click. From humans to frogs. To single frog to frogs mating. But keep clicking.

Going through changes

Whilst traffic was terrific as rush hour being crucial, and IT zombies were snoring in the bus, as usual, when I see a bunch of people walking in the rain, holding Indian flags in their hands, holding banner of ‘India Against Corruption’, something told me, man, we are going through changes.

Whilst my friends who were busy watching dubbed South Indian movies switched to news channels’ chaos, a friend in fact went to Electronic City to attend the cause, when I heard from my mother, that Papa went to ‘Statue Circle‘ in support of Anna Hazare yesterday evening, something told me, man, we are going through changes.

Whilst instead of talking about Cricket and movies, Farmville or a friend going from ‘Engaged’ to ‘Single’ on the Facebook Wall, I overheard people talking about Jan Lokpal, while watching people gathering outside Tihar, no matter they were from Kerala or Bihar, something told me, man, we are going through changes.

It kind of reminds me of 2006 when students were raising voices against reservation, which actually got crushed somehow as they lacked a leader and every political party was trying to get something out of the crisis and how, this time the agitation seems more wide spread where everyone is joining in, be it village or city, as obviously government is panicking using Lathis against peaceful protesters, beating up Babas at midnight, blaming civil society with genuine CDs which are now forgotten as if they were fake, heh, arresting people just for the fear that they might cause something weird, man, I feel, this is the time we are up to something positive and we are going through changes.

But…

We are a country of pessimists as we doubt each and every individual who tries to bring any change. We will post-mortem each and every motive which tries to challenge the system. We will support the cause but try to act super smart by pointing out 10 flaws in 9 point agenda put forward. Now when protests are picking up, some normal life is meant to be disrupted. We won’t bear it. We have to sit in our homes with remotes and see the change happening automatically. We want change but we won’t change. No no, this hunger strike and all is just a fad. This is not acceptable. Then what is? Do you want violent protests to get things done? Do you want highways to be blocked, roads to be rioted (like Rural England cities like London?), Anna or no Anna, do we want change or not? I toh will bribe the traffic police because I want things to be done quickly and I cannot afford this 500 Rs. fine and all. Isn’t it? If we want change, we have to change. Support the one who is at least trying. Stop doubting. We are actually going through changes. Full stop.

Rise of the Planet of the Monkey Thieves

Ok, so I don’t review movies because to review movies you have to either watch the movie with full on concentration of a 99% Hydro-Chloric Acid analyzing each and every fiber of the movie screen or re-view movie several times so that you can remember at what instant Director forgot the script or when Actor acted like a Chimp or when something wrong happened. Who the hell has the time and patience for that? And I don’t do anything unless I am paid or praised. Also, I don’t want to do it. Therefore I leave movie reviewing to more intelligent primates.Happy?

So yesterday I saw the movie ‘Rise of the Planet of The Apes’ 1.5 times with a friend. Actually I was half way through the movie which was going through a turning point when I got a call from my room-mate that I had to urgently pick up a courier at home as the courier was almost at the doorstep and nobody was home and the room-mate was at office. Bloody pWnage happened. So I had to run in the middle to collect. But since I had tasted blood so I had to complete the movie same day. So I came again and bought the tickets for the next show and watched the movie. You wanted to know what is #Facepalm? This is.

Now when you have arrived till this paragraph, I would not disappoint you. Lets review the movie. Heh. I liked the movie as it gives the same 1990s nostalgic feel when humans become unable to resist nature. I loved it when a group of apes out-thought humans and made them pay for their own mistakes. So I liked the movie as I saw it 1.5 times. The special effects were specially effective. The actors, including the humans behind the apes and the apes in general acted well. They must have been paid well as well. Although the movie was kind of a reboot and didn’t have any continuity from the previous editions. Go watch it if you like Animal based Action Adventure movie genre. I am not giving it any star. banana or any cookie. Monkeys take the stuff they want themselves anyways.

Although, when it comes to see a group of apes, I feel most of you are unlucky and lucky. I guess if you have seen ‘Monkey Thieves’ on National Geographic Channel, you will understand at what juncture I am reaching. See, Jaipur city is surrounded by some sort of jungle around the city. So as you must’ve seen in The Jungle Book, all Indian jungles have loads of Monkeys. So these monkeys consider Jaipur as their second home as they get easy food there. So at least once in a day, they come in a group of about 40-50 monkeys, violently as they are monkeys, and mess up the clothes drying up on the roofs, topple over the stuff left drying up on the roof for pickels, and do the fun monkey style. I would like to bring it to your kind notice that when 40-50 humans come together violently, they do more damage than these monkeys. Monkeys are actually a menace for the common folk as sometimes they do enter the rooms and as they are evolved enough, they open the fridge and use it as it was their own. They basically feel home at our homes. If your scientific brain is fluctuating let me pour water on it by telling that the monkeys which usually visit humans are Indian Rhesus Macaque and Gray Langurs.While the Macaque are mostly notorious kind and they don’t feel shy to come close to humans, Langurs or Langoors are slightly stronger and usually remain away. When they arrive, they jump on cars, ruining the roof as they are being chased by the stray dogs. They sometimes jump on electric wires and end up with a sparking death, sadly. In the temples, where people bring in Prasaad and fruits, they sometimes snatch the eatables leaving humans dry and afraid. Fun. The thing is not just limited to Jaipur but actually a common sighting in many North Indian Cities including the Monkey Man Capital, Older part of New Delhi.

Now when it came to the movie we are talking about, it showed some scenes where only Americans will drop their jaw in awe and not Indians as we have already seen the interference of monkeys in our day to day lives. But those monkeys don’t throw Metal Rods like Javelins on cars for sure. So some scenes in the movie don’t impress much as they would have impressed the First World. But overall the movie succeeds in entertaining and making one watch it 1.5 times and teaches us the basic fact that messing too much into the Nature has its repercussions.

But think about this. Who knows our encroachment into jungles is actually doing some brain damage to animals. Who knows that these monkeys have not learnt things from us, both good and bad. Who knows that one day they will come to us and ask ‘What’s the time bro?’. Who knows that as they are the descendants of Lord Hanuman who went into a shell after the Ramayana are ultimately waiting for the right time to show us that we humans who are corrupted, high on estrogen and testosterone, with no sense of humanity left are actually living in Kaliyug and there is one expiry date for that. We are in process to make Robots who will ultimately rule us via Skynet and we are still ignoring the Nature around us. This Nature itself can show us who’s the boss even before we’re able to make one Artificial Intelligent Bot.

Relax. It’s only fiction and not the reality but next time a monkey comes near you, don’t try to converse with it as it might reply.Ok? Good.

Pic courtesy:

One Bloody Super Hero Post

Will it pain?

No no, I faint even at the sight of it.

Umm No. Why should I?

But I am so thin..

Injection? OMG!

Na, you cannot give, you are positive!

Quick Update: I bought Geeky glasses few days back. They are not geeky per se but nowadays people don’t use these kind of conventional glasses. So now I just need a Super Man T-shirt which I would wear inside my formal shirt to transform myself into a Super Hero. Suppose a girl is about to get a thrashing from her boss (I mean verbal thrashing only because of a strict bossy kind of a boss) and then eventually decides to suicide by jumping off the office building or coming in front of a train or similar cheesy stuff like that. I would sense that, owing to less concentration in the work allotted to me, and will run to a corner, opening the top few buttons of my shirt as I run, and eventually come out of the corner as Superman and save the life of the girl by catching hold of her while she was falling or catching hold of her and taking her away when she is about to get crushed by a train or catching hold of her by any means to save her. Catching hold is not the main motive, saving is. People around will clap and praise my name and tell stories to their kids about me as their Super hero.

No. Nonsense.

What makes one a Super Hero?

There are very few things in life, actually there are numerous things in life but nobody can be a Super Hero everytime no, which can bring out the real human from inside. You may claim to be doing this and that for the society, liking 1000 pages on Facebook which relate to Non Government Organizations which claim to be doing enourmous good work for the society. You may go to gym for 3 hours a day and come out as someone whose has been inflated with excess air and walk like Salman Khan. You may write long blog posts about changing the society and tweeting about the government and all. All in vain boss. You do nothing good to anyone.

Long story short, I just request you to help the society in whichever manner you can. There was a blood donation camp in our office. Initially people felt reluctant but later few went and did their part for the society. Still I feel that everyone should have participated in the noble cause but people didn’t. They ignored it like they ignore the usual mishaps happening around us. ‘Somebody got hit on the road? Oh, why should we bother!’ ‘Oh look at that dead dog on the road creating menace for traffic? Oh, why we bother’. ‘Oh look, they are fighting. Oh, yes yes let’s enjoy’. The above given quotes can be very easily heard whenever there is one blood donation camp around. It takes a maximum of 20 minutes and they take just 350 ml to 450 ml depending upon your body weight. The body regains the lost blood in 36 hours and the overall quality of blood in 3 months. And one feels absolutely no difference before and after. In my office, gatekeeper donated, canteen boy donated, sweepers donated, many female donated, although some were sent back because of them being anaemic and nazuk kali. But its the gesture counts, isn’t it? Those who didn’t come, probably people may not come to help them when they want it.

C’mon people, let me assure you that this is the easiest way to help someone. And it helps you in return, in case you need Blood yourself, you will be given free of cost for the next 6 months. Best is that you needn’t know who is getting benifited by your this gesture. What a lovely feeling that is, isn’t it? So from now on, if given a chance, go become a Super Hero. Subhash Chandra Bose will give you aashirwad as well.

I saw this van standing outside the building and liked the caption. Not important here though, but you may enjoy.

By the way, I did become a Super Hero. Funnily after they take the blood out, they provide snacks and juices. So at least for that you can donate blood no?

Puchka 101

Tell me, what pleases a female most. Yes, you can run your imagination wild. Without digressing, try to think that what gives her the much-wanted cheer, the confidence of being a woman, the tears of joy in her eyes, the beautiful crunching sound to her ears and the ultimate kick, again figuratively.

Sigh, brush up your GK man and look around the chaat-vaalaas around you. Before you kill the neighbor’s cat out of curiosity, the answer is: Gol-Gappe. Yes, you read it correctly. Also, known as Patase, Paani Patasi, Paani-Puri, Water-Balls, Puchka and what not. What a creation and innovative item to eat! Nowadays, or who knows even when your dad wan’t born, they serve Gol-Gappas with Vodka. People!

So if people from foreign land or general posh people, who have never tasted the water bomb, let me give you a small description of what happens and how. People, of all ages, color, smells and gender, usually in evening, come out of their home/offices and reach their favorite Paani Puri destinations. The scene is usually like this. A thin lean dark wheatish shade guy with nominal thin mustache owns the stall. It is surrounded by a plethora of humans. Mostly girls. And that guy is always a guy. As in, I have never seen a female Gol Gappe Wali. Sounds little weird but who doesn’t want to eat Gol Gappes from a woman. I want. Anyways, the Gol-Gappe wala is one of the finest multitasker present in the country. The parallel processing the guy does can beat the best computers. One hand goes into the big pile of Paapdi and other hand keeps mixing the ingredients. No hand knows what other is doing. Class. Then he attends all the hungry tongues as-much-number-as-you-can-imagine at a time. While one hand is serving, the other hand keep mixing the awesomest-water-ever so that no sedimentation happens. Bloody, the guy knows Physics as well. Now when the girl/woman gets one gol-gappa in her plate, this is what happens. Please read in slow motion. Ultra Slow motion if you can afford.

She picks up the water filled ball, however big it might be, puts in her mouth, completely and closes her mouth. Yeah, you have to close. This is not any job. This is gol-gappaing. As soon as she closes her mouth, the walls of the ball start the process of crumbling down. While the walls are breaking down, the crushing and crackling sound it makes, can give any sound a run for their money. No human can imitate the sound. That’s how sound the sound is. Slowly, as it is a slow motion read, the wall get broken down. Now, first the salty, Jaljeera-ish, can be sweet-ish as well depending upon the ingredients, splashes around the mouth, touching each nook and corner of the area and giving ultimate pleasure. Then when most of the water has flown under the bridge called as Uvula (totally SFW organ, chill), the main masala of the subject comes out. Mostly it is mashed potato mixed with usual spices, Chutney but it can have Chanas and Curd and similar stuff as well owing to geography and demand. This masala gives the user something to chew upon and thus in totality, gives a pleasure no one can give, day or night. Tell me, have you ever experienced this elsewhere? And when guys eat this, they can achieve the level of satisfaction they seek. Ahem.

So next time when you eat the delicacy, remember, you read it first on this blog.

Now, I am not saying that the delicacy named Gol Gappas are sole property of women-folk, not at all. All the male guys I know relish it equally but I am yet to see a female who doesn’t like Gol-Gappe. If you are a female and reading this, and don’t like Gol-Gappe, seriously?

One small P.S.:

All my usual blog posts have flashy titles to attract the attention of innocent people of the Internet who, so this also has one, so that you feel at home. I do so much to retain my customers I should have been born as a Sweet-Shop owner. On a very serious note, I am yet to find such kind of tasty brilliance in Bangalore. And why did I write such a random useless post? Because I can. Also, this post doesn’t contain any picture. Strategy. To make your imagination run wild. You forgot?

One long P.S.:

Well, I have been called names for the blog shifting frenzy, I was involved in recently. I divorced my beloved Y2A Slog, with whom I shared all kinds of events and thoughts I came across in my college days. It kept itself continued after the college for one and a half years but during that time it was treated like Sourav Ganguly in his last few years as a Cricketer before he was finally ousted and given a GPL (BPL for people with less OQ i.e. Offensive Quotient). Then came our rude dude Hit Wicked which, more or less, was more frustrated with itself than the beautiful but cruel world around it. And probably, it lived the age it deserved. Now I don’t like to move over blogs just like that because blogs are kind of Horcruxes. It hurt every time I moved on. Sniff. Talking of moving on, the group blogs, I was/am a part of, are lingering between life and death anyways so forgetting them is not a crime. Still killing the blogs is a bad habit. Avoid doing it. I am not proud of that. But I don’t regret it either. Man and his affection with immaterial things. Hmm. See, one needs to settle down to his ‘spot’ only when he is fully satisfied. Even Sheldon Cooper took time to choose his place to put his tashreef, so I took time to find a place for myself. BTW on a similar note, I drilled-down options and selected a place at my apartment to sit as well. I made India win the Cricket World Cup that way.

Anyways, as the name ‘Abhinav’ means ‘New’, I have finally settled to this blog address. Which again, went through Tumblr to Posterous as the blogging platform. Talking of ‘platforms’, I have now slept at Blogger, WordPress, Tumblr and Posterous Junctions which have ‘trained’ me as an expert in Blogging sites. Anyone who wishes to delete their blog out of the platforms mentioned above, feel free to ask me to do the honors. The name will stay so you needn’t worry to mess with your blogroll and RSS Feeds and other jargons. I will try to treat this space Holy and will try to continue to shower, on this decaying within itself world, with my knowledge and much needed wit. Be happy.